THE WEIRS TIMES, Thursday, July 1, 2010 Formerly & Everywhere! RFD# to the gulf stream waters 3 to the New York Island by Lorrie Baird
ONE OF LIFE’S LITTLE MYSTERIES …OR NOT!
by Lorrie Baird One of life’s little mys-
teries: everything that goes into your refrigera- tor is clean fresh food, right? Then how come you can scrub it spotless and three days later it has grown unidentified living splotches all over it again? Makes you wonder what goes on in there when the door shuts and the light goes off. Five pairs of perfectly
matching socks go into the washer. Four pairs come out. The fifth pair doesn’t match anymore. How can that be? So you go washer and dryer div- ing and come up with nothing. Another one of life’s little mysteries. Lately I have perfected
the fine art of painting French tips on my fin- gernails. Why bother? They look great for about sixty seconds. I wear rub- ber gloves while doing the dishes and check my manicure. It’s perfect. I grab my key, jump in the car and drive to my desti- nation. By the time I ar- rive, large chunks of white nail polish have some- how defected leaving my nails looking like a freaky checkerboard painted on by a nearsighted three year old. This I don’t dis- cover until I extend my hand to the person I did the manicure to impress in the first place. The mystery here? Reach a certain age and it doesn’t matter what you try to do to improve your looks, it probably won’t work. And if it does, it’ll have a shelf life of five minutes. I read somewhere that
vinegar helps to lighten dark spots on skin. I have enough of those living on my face for my grandkids to play connect-a-dot.
I was told that vinegar works. So every night for six months I went to bed smelling like pickled her- ring with athlete’s foot. Then I read that it is apple cider vinegar that works so I should have been go- ing to bed smelling like herring pickled in fer- mented apples. It doesn’t matter. It wouldn’t have worked anyway even if it worked on every one of my girlfriends. That’s another one of life’s little myster- ies: if something works on 99% of the population, I’d be in the one percentile. I recently had a reader
ask me how we were going to determine if our new car is a boy or a girl so we can name it. I told her that it’s no great mystery. Just wait long enough for the car to tell you. It works with every single vehicle
we’ve every owned…ex- cept this one. Just as we were certain we had a little girl car and we were going to name her Lily (because it’s pure white)
proud owners of our very first trans-gender car! During the day she’s silky smooth and ultra polite with gentle road manners. As soon as night descends
That’s another one of life’s little mysteries: if something works on 99% of the population, I’d be in the one percentile.
we drove the Equinox for the first time at night. Whoa! All of a sudden the futuristic looking dash- board lit up in blue neon lights in places we didn’t even know we had. Sud- denly we were sitting in front of an ultra cool blue neon flight panel and we were hit with the realiza- tion that we are now the
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the car’s interior is trans- formed into the perfect night rider with a way cool flight panel that makes seek and employ methods effortless: definitely a guy thing…and definitely NOT
a “Lily.” So we kicked around a
few names. We first went for “Kit” as in the talk- ing car of Knight Rider fame. Then Jim kicked in “Rider” but it just didn’t fit. We needed to find a name that would reflect that this is a car that’s a kick to drive. So after we kicked around a few more names we got a real kick out of the one we finally picked. The kicker is that we named our new car… “KICK”…but you probably already guessed that. It’s no mystery where we kicked up that name.
jim-lorrie@earthlink.net
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H e r From California... , T here...
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From the redwood forest...
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