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from turning over to Something for the Weekend.

Argh, the repeat of Coast has just been interrupted by a Breaking News piece! A lectern has just been set up outside Number 10. ‘Something is extremely imminent indeed.’ But what? David Dimbleby is about to take over the coverage, it must be impor- tant. 24-hour news, this is why you are pointless: every time something actually happens, it’s forced upon us whether or not we were wasting our lives watching the news channel. DD is now telling us about the gates on Downing Street. News, you’re killing me. This is probably the least excit- ing important political moment ever. DD starting to talk even more slowly to fill time… He’s obviously running out of gate-related trivia. I wish I was still watching Coast. Shut up, David, Gordon’s talking! He looks pale. Sarah is hanging around behind him, look- ing slightly awkward, like she doesn’t know what to do with her hands. Blah, blah. Awkward eye contact and well- practised cracking voice when thank- ing wife for love and support. ‘Thank you, and goodbye.’ Oh god, now he’s bringing the kids out. Good thing no one cares enough to try an assassina- tion attempt. Kids look cute but con- fused. They’ve packed light, anyway. A Daimler. In a recession. Typical. DD keeps talking about executing prime

ministers. Am a bit worried about him.

So it looks like ConLib. Shame really, I enjoyed the alliteration of LabLib, but sometimes democracy has to come first. Cameron’s PM. He’s driv- ing to the palace and everything. Just because I think it’s fair, doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it. Cuts, cuts, cuts. Probably from education budgets. The Tory pre-election vague- ness about where the cuts will come from suggests (and you don’t have to be a fully qualified political analyst to figure this out) that they will be painful. More sitting on the fence over Europe. Unfair tax breaks. Throwing money at nuclear missiles. My faith in Mr Clegg’s ability to influence policy is already waning…

I am, however, not one to ruin your day with doom, gloom and indecision, so let’s take a moment to remember the silver comedy lining of the 2010 General Election: the forty year old black man who had served in the Navy for 30 years. Sir, I salute you.

The Lib/Con coalition has been an- nounced, Clegg and Cameron are soon to reintroduce themselves to the world as Britain’s new double- act, and Gavin Webb has his reserva- tions.

When we all look back on the General Election of 2010 will we see it as a

watershed moment in British politics? Well it certainly has supplied us with some firsts. The first ever Leaders’ de- bate, the first hung parliament since the 70s, the first ever moment Gordon Brown showed humility and the first faltering steps in a coalition government that looks as steady as the economy and twice as volatile. Don’t be fooled by the open- ing days of chumminess & hospital- ity between the Conservatives & the Liberal Democrats. Both parties have extremely combustible grass roots members and backbenchers who are going to be narked off by this deal. Both parties at that level have ex- tremely different ideologies & if one of Clegg or Cameron were to falter then this marriage of convenience would be over quicker than you can say pre-nuptial.

It remains to be seen who is the fat no-hoper with more money than sense and who is the slim, svelte for- eigner waiting for the perfect moment to end this sham and run off with the rugged handsome man next door (or David Miliband as he is also known), but I have my suspicions and I’m sure Nick Clegg does too. His main problem is that after all the bluster and rhetoric of the debates, labelling Labour and the Tories as the two “old parties”, asking people to vote Lib Dem for real change he has been placed into a Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36
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