The visit that never was
The views expressed in this column may not be those of the National Taxi Association
presumptuous stance by the manufacturer;
I promised the Editor that I would, this month, do a report on a visit I was intending to take
on the Saturday evening prior to my Tuesday morning appointment I discovered I had an engagement with Mr Guinness at a 40th
nicotine, temperatures of minus 30 degrees and an environment echoing that of “The Day after Tomorrow”, as well as of course the insane smoking ban, which incidentally has closed the majority of decent pubs around the country, I caught a cold.
Well, I’m saying cold, it was probably swine
“we mean business
this time”, in actual fact I was probably dead, and if I wasn’t dead, I was very probably the illest man ever. This meant I had to make up
bank being a gang of thieving parasitical
bank account if I am a single penny above my agreed overdraft level, so I had to work. Indeed, I’d like to get one of those thieving
short for a fare, I reckon by the way they do
fare, sell his children into slavery and put his wife on the game and still be down on the deal. Of course, I would be liable to prosecution, because the 1847 act, unlike the [corrupt] banking code of conduct, does not permit me to steal money from people.
the equation - I was seriously thinking about forgiving them for completely buggering up the taxi trade with that completely mental report they did. After all, they were going
charging people a totally disproportionate amount for being slightly overdrawn. The ones who actually seeing money going into your account later in the day, but not quite in the account, so they will stop a standing order, or cheque and then charge you for the privilege, even though by the time you get their ‘rather
they ordered off by the government who now actually own most of the banks… smacks in
listening programmes is that the manufacturer will listen to the buyer - in turn they will provide a product that more or less suits his/her requirements. Unfortunately, this is a rather
14
account that the customer may in fact be a dribbling imbecile. I have a degree of proof in this, you see experience tells me a number of things when it comes to cab drivers, primarily, if they don’t know something, they’ll make it
little guilty. Once upon a time on the way back from Newcastle Airport a foreign guy asked me to show him the Roman Wall. Those familiar
aware many farmers use stonewalls to divide
photo album will be a dozen or so pictures of a farmer’s stone wall marked ‘My visit to the Roman Wall’. Indeed, if you believe what cab
yourself in some type of lunatic asylum, scared of immigrant hordes crossing the English
years there has been a Metrocab prototype running around the Scottish Highlands running on the same fuel cells designed to keep Russian nuclear powered submarines under water without surfacing for up to 12 months.
I know I regularly slam councils for a somewhat shoddy attitude towards taxi testing, but in all honesty I cannot imagine for one moment a nuclear powered cab being allowed by even the most liberal minded local
working under a delusion that cab drivers in London actually do anything approaching the starship mileages achieved by those of us who drive taxis in the provinces. I’m sorry to shatter daydreams here, but my mother in law
drivers. With this thought in mind, perhaps LTI should give a test cab to Shirley, her bingoing buddies seem to knock the crap out of the Micra, maybe her and her smelly mates should be the ones rigorously testing LTI
In days long gone there used to be a petrol
days need to return. I want to see a TX with a great big V type engine, maybe with a supercharger or a twin turbo. Yes I know it’ll be expensive to run, but hey… the guy furiously putting his seat belt on in the back
although anything lower is perfectly acceptable and I want the engine itself to be splattered
ROAR like a demented lion who’s been out all day on the African plains looking for food only to discover the lion next door just messed with his lioness. I know LTI like passenger
a degree, but I want more driver comforts. I want a seat where my arse doesn’t get sore because the seat has the feeling of sitting on a plank of plywood for 12-hours. Do away with the plug in chargers in the back - passengers only use them to put crumpled up crisp packets into anyway - and give my arse some extra padding with the money saved, also it would
I’ve been looking at the front of the cab, admittedly the vehicle looks quite nice, apart from the headlights, these appear to have been styled by Noddy. What you need is twin headlights and I was thinking about similar
any decent muscle cab we’re going to need
anyway, because I want quite big wheels, no, I’ll rephrase that, very big wheels. Of course, all this is getting to a point. In this magazine,
to cause offence to the other esteemed writers in this magazine, love their cabs, so much so, Sheldon probably sleeps with his and his.
their vehicles. Indeed, I couldn’t mention bling without mentioning my own family members
vehicles and both have blinged their cabs to their own personal taste, especially the latter who has received phone calls for blinging advice. Strangely enough both Paul and Neville were at the factory visit I was supposed to attend, knowing both, I’m fairly sure LTI’s designers are still pulling their hair out. You see, whatever purpose-built LONDON TAXI LTI design in the future, even the best product in the world would not suit the individual taste of Paul, Neville, Dave or Sheldon, it will still be blinged whatever LTI come up with. I do feel a bit for LTI however; any engine coming after the Nissan unit was always going to have a hard time. The TX4 unit is, strangely
talk distribution vehicle, and from personal experience that one goes like shit off a stick.
as air conditioning and all those lovely driver and passenger friendly add-on’s that not only add weight, detract from the performance of
The Casey Column
By Wayne Casey
(LL SC)
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