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PRESENTS

STRAIGHT EDGE RAZOR

Dear Razor

Ever since I saw “Back To the Future” as a kid I’ve been fascinated by the prospect of time travel. If Razor-Boy had a DeLorean that could jump decades and centuries

where would he head?

~Phil in Southlake

Straight to 57 BC so I could troll the toga parties in Rome before the fall, catch a few events at the Coliseum, maybe hook up with Caesar for a salad and a road trip to conquer Gaul (I really think I’d excel at slaying those Helvetians.) I would quickly win Julius Caesar’s favor driving a wedge between him and those two power- thirsty sandal-lickers, Pompey and Crassus, who I would dub “Pompous” and “Crass”. My only worries would be a gladiator bully named Biffatuss, finding a clock tower, and collecting enough grapes to fill the flux capacitor.

Dear Razor

Now that hockey season is winding down I’m switching into baseball mode. Can I get your predictions for the upcoming season?

~Jackie in Garland

One hundred and sixty-two sloth-like, mostly unwatchable games with the fading shadow of steroids looming over them, featuring pitching staffs 100% void of Hall of Famers and a bunch of guys in the infield with tough-to-pronounce names from equally linguistically challenging countries. Play Ball!

by Daryl Reaugh [DALLAS STARS RADIO/TV ANALYST]

Dear Razor

I just recently moved to town and was wondering if you might be able to give me a “Razor’s List” of must-see’s and must- do’s in DFW?

~Frank in Dallas

Frank, what I have seen and done in my 15 years in the Metroplex is too much for another man to attempt to mimic. My advice to you is to blaze your own trail, be the cock of your own walk – own it. I’m sure you fancy yourself a curious risk taker but believe me, you couldn’t hang with my stuff – my footprints are too big and widely spaced,

and my eyes, well, they’ve seen some sh*#.

Dear Razor

I’ll be in Las Vegas in mid April for a business convention and would appreciate any tips on how to win at the tables. I’m sure you’ve got a fool

proof system – any tips?

~ Mark in Arlington

My bookie, Vincent “5 Aces” Vartucelloni, says the house always wins, so I’d suggest you find a table on a patio or

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