The Yellow Brain Fungus
By BROOKEWEST
Dr Robert Melstone peered over his rimless glasses. The diagnosis fitted the symptoms perfectly. Tingling hands, exuberant moods and a strange craving for jelly and ice cream. It could only be one thing.
‘I’m afraid, Mr Mitchum’ Dr Melstone began, clearing his throat. ‘I’m afraid that you have the yellow brain fungus’.
waistcoat down over his ample stomach and shifted uneasily on the leather chair. ‘Is that serious doctor?’ Gerald queried, his voice trembling. ‘It’s just that the wife and I have booked a Mediterranean cruise to celebrate my 50th. She’s so looking forward to it. She’s bought all the dresses for dinner at the captain’s table.’
Dr Melstone smiled professionally and stroked his clean-shaven chin. ‘Well, my dear fellow’ he began.
‘It’s only serious if you consider it to be so’ he continued standing up from his desk, walking around to the front and leaning against it. ‘The yellow brain fungus is a very rare condition but..’
Gerald Mitchum interrupted almost shouting in panic ‘But what doctor? What does it mean? I mean will I still be able to play golf? he stammered.’ ‘Well, it means...’ he paused ‘It means that you have to come to terms with the fact that you will have to live your entire life again...but backwards’
take in doctor! I mean..how long have I got? What will I tell the wife?’ Dr Robert Melstone looked thoughtful. It was only the second case of yellow brain fungus he’d ever had to deal with in his entire career. The first had been more than twenty years ago, just after he’d qualified. The patient, Audrey Simpson, had been approaching her 60th birthday then. She was now about to celebrate her second 39th birthday. He’d recently received a card from her inviting him to her wedding. She was marrying a very understanding young man of 21, and they were hoping to start a family before she became too young.
‘Look’ Dr Melstone continued thoughtfully taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. ‘It’s not all bad news, if you think about it is it my dear fellow? A lot of men would give
Gerald gasped! ‘Well that’s a lot to Gerald Mitchum pulled his tweed
“As the full implications began to dawn on him, his mind filled with images of young women in bikinis”
their eye teeth to be in your predicament. Now go off and enjoy your Mediterranean cruise with your wife while you’re still old enough to do it. In twenty year’s time this sort of thing won’t interest you at all. You will be wanting something more exciting then. Nightclubs, young women..’ Dr Melstone trailed off wistfully.
Gerald Mitchum stood up and shook the doctor’s hand his own palms damp with excitement. ‘I see what you mean doctor’ Gerald said suddenly smiling as the full implications began to dawn on him and his mind filled with images of young women in bikinis. He stood up and took off his tweed waistcoat and pulled his shirt out over his trousers and noted from his reflection that this concealed his paunch and he began to feel younger already. ‘I am going to enjoy myself while I am still old enough!’ he blurted out emphatically, suddenly realising his future potential. ‘The wife’s not getting any younger. I mean in twenty year’s time she will be seventy and I will only be thirty. You are right doctor,
I’ve got to think about my own future. I will need someone my own age.’
..............
Dr Melstone saw it in the local paper although it had been reported on the national news. Mr and Mrs Gerald Mitchum of Chipping Stanton had been enjoying a Mediterranean cruise when a terrible accident had befallen Mr Mitchum. He’d been standing too near the deck rail when he had inexplicably slipped and fallen overboard. His wife had been with him at the time and had raised the alarm but it was too late. Other holidaymakers had complained that Mr Mitchum had been pestering their daughters at the evening discos and leering at the sunbathers. The Mitchums were often seen rowing in public.
see Audrey Mitchum in the surgery the week following the funeral. Depression often followed bereavement. Her symptoms however also included tingling hands, mood swings and a strange craving for jelly and icecream.
37
Dr Melstone was not surprised to
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