it’s a girl thing
by henrietta henry
CrUISE CONTrOL
One Ship…1,000 LeSbianS
“Must be going through that
hurricane.” They said casually.
Hurricane?! are you kidding me?!”
Up until about six months ago I’d never won anything. Not even a buck from a the staircases of the ship, throwing up, moaning, crying. After throwing up more
scratcher ticket at the gas station. But then, suddenly, my lifelong streak of non- than I ever have, I preceeded to have a complete nervous breakdown and eventu-
existant luck took an amazing turn when I got a call that I’d won an all expenses ally got a shot from the ship’s nurse that knocked me unconcious, thank god. My
paid cruise. When I first got this call my immediate instinct was that it was a scam. girlfriend was completely okay, amazingly enough. She convinced herself that
The lady in my voicemail was sitting in some timeshare call center, salivating at the incessant, violent rocking was “relaxing,” and simply went to sleep! Can you
the chance to get a hold of my credit card number. But when I mentioned it to believe that? My girlfriend, a.k.a. Cool Hand Luke. Fortunately after that first night
my girlfriend, she excitedly told me she’d entered us both into a contest at San the weather was calm, but everyone on board talked about it for the rest of the
Francisco Pride, and thought it might be them. trip, including the stand-up comedians who had us all rolling with their versions
She was right. After about 20 minutes of the lady on the line convincing me of the story.
that I wouldn’t have to give up my credit card number, first born or take part in a Kicking it in the Caribbean was awesome, but what was better was the volun-
pyramid scheme, I realized I actually had WON something: a cruise! And not your teer work we did while we were there. The ladies at Sweet made all the arrange-
typical, retirement home cruise either. This was an all-lesbian cruise with Sweet ments for those who wanted to participate, and we jumped at the chance. We
Lesbian Travel. One ship, with 1,000 lesbians aboard, heading down to the Carib- collected trash from the beaches in Costa Maya, painted a children’s rec-center
bean for seven days of sun, tropical drinks and partying. How’s that for luck, huh? in Belize, donated computers in Honduras, and planted native plants in Cozumel.
After months of anticipation, my girl and I finally got on the gigantic ship We were dizzy, mosquito-bitten and sweaty at the end, but it felt great to know
bound for this excellent excursion to places I’d fantasized about visiting. And as we actually made something better along the way.
soon as I was on, I wasn’t concerned about all the little things I’d been fretting It was definitely not all work and no play though. We swam in the bays of
over. Our room wasn’t a cramped, stuffy, windowless cell situated beneath the Honduras, kayaked in Costa Maya, saw Mayan ruins and had the chance to snorkel
dance floor of the on-board club. The water and toilet paper were included (yea, I along the coral reef in Cozumel. I’ve wanted to go reef snorkeling my whole life, so
was totally convinced they were going to charge us for anything and everything), I was beside myself with excitement. At one point, our guides told us there were
and the mix of lezzies was great. There were olders, youngers, femme’s, butches, sharks in the water. “Where?!” I said, totally ready to jump right in with them, not
andro’s and everyone in between. So there we were, totally excited, setting sail realizing they were joking. There weren’t any sharks, but there were some jellyfish
down the Mississippi, kicking off our adventure. amongst all the gorgeous reef fish that stung us a little, but not even that could
And THEN the boat started rocking. It was about 10:30 p.m. that night and have kept me out of the water. It was completely a dream come true.
we’d just finished something greasy at the “diner.” I’d never been on a cruise ship Sharing this experience with my girlfriend was probably the greatest aspect of
before, so didn’t know what was happening. Then we overheard the ladies next the entire trip, though. I’ve imagined building memories like this with my partner
to us: “Must be going through that hurricane.” They said casually. Hurricane?! since I was a dorky baby dyke, and it just made it that much more special having
Are you kidding me?! Immediately the theme to Titanic came into my head, but her there. But hopefully if there’s ever a next time around we won’t sail through a
I didn’t have much time to let my imagination wander before the sea sickness set hurricane—I’ll take the Gravitron any day over sea sickness!
in. Sea sickness resembles how you feel after getting off of the Gravitron at the
fair. Yea, that feeling. Now picture not being able to stop that feeling because this
is a ride you can’t get off of. The whole ship was sick. Lesbians were laid out on
feedback?
itsagirlthing@ragemonthly.com or
blog@ragemonthly.com
24 RAGE monthly | December 2009
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