“I was married to a man who took great pleasure in calling me names and putting me down on
everything. He was very jealous and controlling. He was allowed to do things that I was not
allowed. I had to be home at a certain time and was not allowed to go out on my own. There
was this constant barrage that I was not good and was not liked by anyone. He put me down
all the time. He used to tell me that he was doing all this because he loved me, which was not
true.” Interviewee 12
Interviewee 16 described the various forms of controlling behaviours that her ex-
husband subjected her to. She catalogued all the aspects of her life that he controlled:
including the colour of her underwear; monitoring the time she took to go to work and
back; being made to produce receipts for everything she purchased including the food
shopping; not being allowed out of the house without him (except to go to work);
locking her out of the house in her pyjamas; isolating her from all her friends and family;
and using their child and visiting rights to control her after their relationship had ended.
One of the women, Interviewee 18, discussed the controlling behaviour and emotional
abuse that her female partner inflicted upon her. She was in the relationship for four
years and it was only after it ended that she reflected on the extent of this abuse. The
controlling behaviour extended into how she behaved in “public and private life”. She
believed that the abuse happened because her partner was trying to keep their
relationship a secret from their families and rural community3.
Sexual Violence: Abuse, Assault, Rape, Gang Rape
The women found it harder to discuss sexual violence than other forms of violence and
abuse. For example, Interviewee 1 described the emotional and physical abuse but just
referred to “sexual abuse” without giving more detail. In addition to extreme physical
violence and torture, Interviewee 6 endured rape and sexual assault by both her
husbands. Her first husband “raped me so hard that I bled for six weeks” and her
second husband “held a gun to my head while his brother raped me”. This husband also
raped and sexually assaulted her children from her first marriage. As a consequence of
this repeated abuse, she explained that “I used to wear two pairs of trousers and two
knickers” as a protective measure. Interviewee 10 described herself as being “mentally,
sexually and physically abused by my partner” of 21 years. She described the sexual
violence: “He used to force himself onto me and have sex and if I said no he beat me. If
he was drunk, it was worse”. Interviewee 11 described the sexual violence she endured
as worse than all the other forms of violence and abuse and this manifestation of
violence started just after she gave birth to their son.
At the end of her interview, Interviewee 4 disclosed that she had been raped by a
boyfriend when she refused to have unprotected sex with him. She was reluctant to
name this as rape and stated “I suppose you can say that he technically raped me”. This
is illustrative of a lot of women’s experiences which she acknowledges when she says “I
think this happens to a lot of women”.
Abuse Experienced as Children
A small number of the women reported witnessing violence from their fathers against
their mothers when they were children. Interviewee 17 described how she was sexually
McCarry & Williamson, 2009 24
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