We’ve got front / Scotcampus 13
Dave Hynes’ England
he problem is, constructing an all- Centre Midfield
time England XI is far more difficult David Beckham
than picking any almost- random Manchester United, Real Madrid, LA Galaxy /
eleven players to actually go and beat 117 Caps / 17 Goals
the Scots. Ultimately, many different I’m not sure about this, especially after recently
variations of players would easily crush the flopping in the mighty American Soccer League.
Caledonian stalwarts Actually, perhaps this is a very bad selection.
He’s not bad at free-kicks though. Arguably
Having rattled my head long and hard about how missed a trick by not staying with PNE whilst
to approach this I was pretty keen on fielding a on loan.
controversial team of modern footballers. Surely a
select eleven schooled in the supreme Premiership Centre Midfield
would punish any short arsed, long-ball, beggar Bobby Charlton
men from up north? Finally, I relented and went Manchester United / 106 Caps / 49 Goals
for what is a far more recognisably classic outfit. Now we’re talking. The greatest combover
Quality you see, speaks for itself, regardless of the since….well the greatest anyway, and possibly
length of shorts or the Velcro vests or the WAGs or the greatest midfielder England has ever
the wages. produced. Renowned for his extraordinary long
shots and passes. Everyone loved Bobby.
A concession to the game’s evolution can be found Won the World Cup and is still a legend today.
on the sub’s bench, but these golden oldies will
mostly do the trick for now. left Wing
It really is difficult to see what the tartan army Preston North End / 76 Caps / 30 Goals The Manager
could do but wilt and cry against this lot, perhaps Being Prestonian, I am very bias but I don’t need Bobby Robson.
they could deep-fry the football. Fat Frank to be, The Preston Plumber turned defence’s Or Steve McLaren. Ian Dowie, Mick McCarthy.
Lampard would love that. Fat Frank has not made inside and out. Stanley Matthews thought Finney Hmmm, decisions . .
the team. Or the bench. This is a respectable was even better than he was. The epitome of
operation. post-war industry down that famous left wing,
he’d scare any full back to death. The Bench
The starting 11: striker Alan shearer striker,
Gary lineker Blackburn Rovers Newcastle United /
Keeper Centre Back Leicester City, Everton, Barcelona / 63 Caps / 30 Goals
Gordon Banks Duncan Edwards 80 Caps / 48 Goals Well I couldn’t let him be manager could I?
Leicester City, Stoke / 73 Caps / 0 Goals Manchester United / 18 Caps / 5 Goals Has massive ears. Likes golf. Scored a few goals.
Surprisingly no goals which is a shame, but Before his tragic death due to the Munich air Leading scorer of 1986 World Cup. Never booked Jimmy Greaves striker
he did win the World Cup in 1966 and made disaster, he was arguably the greatest of the in his career. Crisps. That said, I don’t think Chelsea, Tottenham / 57 Caps / 44 Goals
arguably the most famous save of all time four Busby Babes and certainly the most versatile. England’s all time goalscorer’s are that good. Somehow, very un-likeable but also very good.
years later against Pele in Mexico. Sadly became Along with his supreme defensive ability he could But he’ll probably be good enough to take on Just missed out on that World Cup Winning side
a cyclops in later life via a tragic car accident. easily slot into midfield. He made his England Scotland. of 66.
Just edged Peter Shilton out as the all-important debut against Scotland in 1955, the record
last man. youngest post-war debutant for a long time, and striker steven Gerrard Midfielder
would surely run rings around the caber-tossers Wayne Rooney Liverpool / 76 Caps / 16 Goals
now. His career would undoubtedly have been far Everton, Manchester United / A dynamic box to box midfielder, who is arguably
left back more prolific had he survived. 55 Caps / 25 Goals the best in the business right now. He can tackle,
Kenny sansom pass and score with ease. Just keep him away
Crystal Palace, Arsenal / 86 Caps / 1 Goal Centre Back Obviously this is a huge mistake because he is from pubs and jukeboxes.
Whoooooo? Let me tell you who; Sansom was a Bobby Moore pretty rubbish. He may even have bigger ears
great left-back. He has a record number of caps West Ham / 108 Caps / 2 Goals than Linekar. That’s quite a front-two pairing. Paul scholes Midfield
for his position is referred to by the Gooners as Perhaps the greatest defender England has ever Aggressive, rubbish at one-on-one’s and Manchester United / 66 Caps / 14 Goals
King Kenny and was a brilliant crosser of the ball. produced. Won three major cup competitions possessing almost gladiatorial glee at the terrace May well be past it now but for a long time was
Keeps out Stuart Pearce and Ashley Cole. He at Wembley in successive years. And what chanting of his name. May never score. But who England’s best player. This ginger midget knows
was also an alcoholic gambler. Which is nice. about that tackle on Pele; his career has been cares, this beast doesn’t have to. a thing or two about beating the Scots too after
immortalised ever since. Looking at his career, I his two goals at the last trip to Hampden.
Right Back just couldn’t risk Rio or Terry. Bobby was a rock.
Billy Wright Ashley Cole Defender
Wolverhampton Wanderers / Arsenal, Chelsea / 76 Caps / 0 Goals
105 Caps / 3 Goals Right Wing A complete fool of a man perhaps, but few
Captained England a record 90 times, with over stanley Matthews players in the modern game are quite so excellent
100 caps. Nae bad pal! Was the David Beckham Stoke City, Blackpool / 54 Caps / 11 Goals at getting forward and getting back in time.
of his day, perhaps it was the Brylcream - through The Wizard of the Dribble is still the greatest Frustratingly good.
his marriage to 1950s pop star Joy Beverley attraction Blackpool has ever had, illuminating
could have something to do with comparisons. the pitch with electric movement and grace. Peter shilton Keeper
Spent all his life at Wolverhampton Wanderers Surely would have impressed even in the faster- Leicester City, Nottingham Forrest, Derby /
and was a proper Old School servant. Unlike paced modern era, and would have no problem 125 Caps / 0 Goals
Robbie Keane. Or Anelka. Or half of today’s turning those Saltire’s to the wind. A true Ahhh good old Shilts! Used to get stretched like a
Premiership. roadrunner. medieval heathen. Did him a lot of good.
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