gayzette www.gayzettedenver.com • www.gayzetteblog.com D enver’s Favorite GLBT Publication! | 21

R

oman Polanski -
Hollywood will get behind any charity cause these days, malaria in Africa,
sweatshops in Asia, worldwide famine and now add to the list academy award
winning pederasts who drug and sodomize 13 year old girls. But guess what Mr.
Polanski, here in America we only let Pop Stars and Republican Congressman
by, Benjamin Paige
get away with that crime. And being that you are some old French dude, you
qualify as neither.
He should just be happy that he is rich enough to afford a good attorney and take the punishment that
is coming to him. Its not that bad Roman, they give you separate room in prison, and when you get out
s
its like your in an exclusive club reserved for creepy old people who will help you learn how to design a
MySpace page so cool that all the little girls will want to be friends with you. Plus, you get on all of those
ew
watch lists so you never have to worry about buying candy to give out on Halloween.
But Hollywood has come to the defense of Roman Polanski. Whoopi Goldberg said that what he did wasn’t
“rape-rape” and Anjelica Huston said the 13-year-old he molested seemed like “one of those little chicks
who could be 25.” Even his victim Samantha Geimer, who successfully sued him years ago, supports
Polanski’s bid to have the case dismissed, saying she just wants to put the whole thing behind her. I
in the N
thought he already put it behind her. Isn’t that how this whole thing started?
ut’
S
m Letterman Sex
Hate Crime Legislation -
Tape -
The Matthew Sheppard and James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act was recently passed into effect, thanks
in no small part to GLBT activist organizations. Go team! This act makes violence against people because of
their sexuality or gender identity a “Hate Crime” which makes possible
additional and more severe punishments.
The problem with this legislation is that while it makes our bureaucrats
-r
azzi! •
and politicians look like they care about the GLBT community and
serves as delicious fodder for the uneducated liberal voter; the bottom
line is that hate crimes laws don’t work. In fact, not only do they not
discourage crimes against particular groups of people, they create and
embed a stigma in our society that labels certain groups of people as
weaker and in need of government protection. Hate crime laws that
protect against race and religion have been on the books for 30 some
years and there is absolutely no statistical indication that they have any
It is rumored that there is a Letterman sex
positive benefi t.
tape out just waiting to explode all over
the intraweb. Will you watch it? Stupid
Atrociously heinous crimes are already punished severely; the killers
question?
of both Matthew Sheppard and James Byrd Jr. will die in jail. Does
anyone reasonably believe that they might have been discouraged from
Top Ten reasons to watch the
-r
azzi! • homo committing these crimes because of hate crime legislation? Even if the
Letterman sex tape.
crimes against the individuals for whom this new legislation was enacted was applicable back when the victims
were murdered, the perpetrators would not have received any more of a severe penalty. “Irony, table for two!”
10. Because celebrity porno is the only
reason you bought your computer.
So, instead of giving us something that might actually promote equality and encourage integration of GLBT
9. Let’s think of it as a ‘what not to do’
peoples into the moral fabric of society, something, such as, the right to marry. They instead are giving us a
instructional video.
something expensive, that doesn’t work and that actually might do more harm than good. But we asked for it.
8. The video quality is bad but the score
And now that they have given us something we wanted, there is a lack of support and a lack of urgency in giving
is fantastic, thank you to Mr. Paul Shaffer
us anything else anytime soon.
and the CBS Orchestra.
7. Guest appearances by Sting and George
Clooney.
Balloon Boy: Grounded! -
A Hoax, who knew? You know what they say... one
6. Because geriatric sex does wonders for
minute you’re the Balloon Boy, and the next you’re just
the self esteem.
Falcon hiding in a box. Really I think that Balloon boy
-r
azzi! • homo
5. Because you’ve always wondered how
was set up as a distraction in order to take attention
women got promotions.
away from real issues, like Jon and Kate plus 8. No one
4. It’s 10 times funnier than his
is asking the real question here, I mean I like Balloon
monologue.
Boy but what about the Balloon? Is it OK?
3. Its not like it’s a waist of time, the
whole things only lasts 14 seconds.
In less than 24 hrs Balloon Boy has a wikipedia entry and
2. Because he needs the ratings.
a t-shirt. I expect a novel to be published tomorrow. That
kid has a pretty bright future; I understand that Falcon
• homo
And the number one reason to
Heene will be the new spokes child for Jiffypop. Plus
watch the Letterman sex tape:
his fl oat is going to be featured in Macy’s Thanksgiving
Parade. This time he damn well better be in the balloon!
1. Because let’s face it, if your reading this
Its kind of Ironic really, that the one skinny kid in
section of the Gayzette, you probably like
America is now nicknamed ‘Balloon Boy’. MfPB!
bad jokes.
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