20 | November 2009 gayzette
Scorpio - (10/23 - 11/21)
You have the drive of a
Cadillac, but the heart of a
Pinto.
Sagittarius - (11/22 - 12/21)
You could have been a sex
therapist; of course Jeff rey
Damer could have owned a
meat market.
Capricorn - (12/22 - 1/19)
By the time Thanksgiving is
over, you will have molested
and raped nearly half a
dozen innocent pumpkins.
Aquarius - (1/20 - 2/18)
It’s offi cial! You’ve had more
hots butts than an ashtray.
Pisces - (2/19 - 3/20)
While your ambition is
admirable, selling yourself
door to door may not be
as eff ective as your old
technique of posing in
Cheeseman Park.
Aries - (3/21 - 4/19)
You’ll have the Surf and Turf.
A case of Crabs, with a touch
of Swine.
Taurus - (4/20 - 5/20)
After discovering both
include wieners and beer,
you rename your tailgate
party . . . one greedy bottom.
Gemini - (5/21 - 6/21)
While you thought it was
funny at the time, your
dinner guests didn’t fi nd
the humor in using a penis
shaped salt grinder.
CROSSWORD
Across
1- Auto pioneer; 5- Standards; 10- Reddish-brown
gem; 14- ___ monde; 15- Steel girder; 16- Lecherous
Cancer - (6/22 - 7/22)
look; 17- Indivisible; 19- Horne solo; 20- Musical dra-
You’ll never get that day
ma; 21- South sea islander; 23- 17th letter of the Greek
at the salon you’ve always alphabet; 25- Broadcast; 26- Cart for heavy loads;
wanted, but take comfort
29- Furnace; 31- Metal spikes; 35- Cartoon dog; 36-
in knowing that upon your
Clublike weapon; 37- Soft subdued color; 38- Tomb
death; earthworms are lined
inscription; 40- Swordlike knife; 41- Third sign of
the zodiac; 42- Hourly rate; 43- Cleaning implement;
up ready to give you a deep
44- Bias; 45- It’s blown among the reeds; 46- “___ She
tissue massage.
Lovely?”; 47- Roman general; 49- Pouch; 51- Woman
who bartends; 54- Employ again; 58- Et ___; 59- Red,
Leo - (7/23 - 8/22) perhaps; 63- Separate by a sieve; 64- Pertaining to
Jealous of the Balloon Boy’s
Benedict XVI; 65- Elation; 66- Biblical verb; 67- Halts;
exposure, you decide to
68- Acquire through merit;
hide in a box. Unfortunately

nobody’s looking for you.
Down
1- Presidential battleground state; 2- Genie’s home;
3- Delude; 4- Like some nights; 5- It may be picked;
Virgo - (8/23 - 9/22)
6- Japanese sash; 7- Yank’s foe; 8- Untidy woman; 9-
After biting pillows for years,
Campaign tactic; 10- Offhand; 11- Dynamic beginning;
you’ve fi nally collected 12- Bridle strap; 13- Bummer; 18- Encouraging word;
enough feathers to make a 22- Threaten; 24- Giraffe’s cousin; 25- Bass, e.g.; 26-
down comforter.
At the bottom of the barrel; 27- Drive away; 28- Inner
self (Jung); 30- ___ bin ein Berliner; 32- Units; 33-
Libra - (9/23 - 10/22)
Admit; 34- Slumbered; 36- Woman’s loose gown; 37-
Senate attendants; 39- Manipulator of Sn; 40- Long
Turns out that sparkle in
March leader; 42- Ring org.; 45- Dated; 46- Glacial
your eye was just a refl ection
epoch; 48- Does a Daffy Duck impression; 50- Pound
from someone fl icking their
sound; 51- Beat up; 52- Inter ___; 53- Fissure; 55- Ar-
Bic. thur Ashe’s alma mater; 56- Clairvoyant; 57- Biblical
garden; 60- Mil. address; 61- Chart; 62- Golfer Ernie;
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