14 | November 2009 gayzette
Greetings Pilgrims! The season of Thanksgiving is already upon us! So while you’re planning your menus for those dreaded
family dinners, take a well needed break and relax with this month’s installment of “Ask a Slut”. And remember if you join
us for “Turkey Bingo” Friday November 13
th
you just might get a big bird or boyfriend to stuff !
Dear Cycle Sluts, Dear Cycle Sluts,
Since November 26th is set aside for giving thanks, I’d I have a problem when I have sex! I get excited easily
like to know what you Gurlz are most thankful for. and shoot too quickly! I’ve tried using desensitizing
Signed, “Counting Blessings” creams but they just make me shoot faster! Do you
Gurlz have any suggestions that would help?
Sharon MaGoodies: I’m thankful that I have been STD free Signed, “Easy Cum, Easy Go
for 6 hours!
Marion McKuzins: I’m most thankful for Taco Bell, and Winnie: Yep! Don’t ever stand next to me and shoot me in the
Metamucil! I’m Just Sayin’! eye. That shit burns!
Zoey Diddim: I am thankful for sturdy knee pads, an un- Marion: You could try edging. It’s a bit complicated, so you’ll
hingable jaw and no gag refl ex. have to sign up for one of my edging classes for the best results.
Molotovia Cocktail: I’m most thankful for my 8 inch Clitoris. Zoey: Why don’t you stop jacking off with the desensitizing
Winnie Bego: I know I’m most thankful for ALL of my Glitter cream and read the directions on the package!
Sisters! Sharon: I don’t see what the problem is really, most of the time
Zoey Diddim
Sassy Squatch: I’m most thankful that Butt Babies don’t live! I’m just ready to get it over with and pass the fuck out because
I’m so loaded and seeing triple that it feels like I’m having a gang
Dear Cycle Sluts, bang with the Jonas Brothers!
I’m pretty experienced sexually and have tried a lot of Sassy: I think you just need more practice! Start out with guys
things! I even enjoy the occasional Golden Shower, but that you really don’t like that much to build up resistance! After
last week I met some guy that wanted to drink my pee! several marathon pity sex sessions you’ll be ready for the hot
Is this safe to participate in? guys!
Signed, “Shower the people you Love” Molotovia: Excuse yourself to the bathroom before your date
and work the fi rst one yourself. The second always takes a little
Zoey: Its okay if you like getting shots for Hep C! If so, let the longer.
love fl ow and embrace your jaundiced yellow hanky!
Sassy Squatch
Sassy: Whatever it takes to get a mouth around your Willie is Dear Cycle Sluts,
OK by me! Just don’t kiss him afterward!!! One night when I was feeling very horny, I remembered
Winnie: You drinkin it? No, then don’t worry. someone saying that they cut a hole in a watermelon
Marion: I don’t know. I prefer something a bit more salty and and jacked off with it. I tried it with a cantaloupe and it
with some protein. A gurl has to watch her fi gure, you know. was really GOOD! The problem is that now when I walk
Sharon: Only if you are stranded in the middle of the ocean through the produce section at Queen Soopers I get a
with the crew of the USS Urinator and you will die if don’t have raging hard-on! What should I do?
anything to drink! Signed, “Thumping the Melon”
Molotovia: I prefer my drinks to be cold and with olives. I
don’t eat yellow snow and I DON’T drink Yellow. Marion: You should tell me what day and time you go to the
Marion McKuzins
grocery store! I’ll meet you in the produce section and you can
Dear Cycle Sluts, stuff your cucumber in my CUNT-A-LOUPE!
I met this guy from out of town and we tricked. I like Zoey: Date the produce guy so you get to do the cantaloupe and
him lots and we have discussed becoming partners. The he can fi ll you up with a butter squash.
problem is that after talking about each others past we Molotovia: Go to the meat department and fi nd that cute guy
found out that we are related! Would we be breaking who stocks the cases and make some “fruit salad”.
any laws? Signed, “All in the Family” Sassy: Different strokes for different folks! Whatever churns
your butter is fi ne with me! Just remind me not to eat the Fruit
Sassy: Against the Law, I don’t think so, but Creepy, yes! How Cock-tail at your next party!
you gonna explain this one to Grandma at the next Family Winnie: Come and spend a weekend in the Winnie Bego!
Reunion? Sharon: gurl, you best join fruit fuckers anonymous stat. I’ll
Winnie Bego
Marion: It’s All Relative, Darlin. Besides, “Nothing says lovin’, see you there and I’ll teach you a trick I learned with a pineapple
like lovin’ your cuzin!” and a goat.
Sharon: Well, you see, a long time ago my dear sister Marion
McKuzins and I met a bastard child that fl ed the house of
Jolie but with our busy lives neither of us wanted to be the
parent of this child but felt bad that it didn’t have a proper name
so we named it after each of us and that’s how Sharon McKuzins
was born.
Winnie: Like I always say at family reunions! Incest is the very
BEST!!!
Molotovia: Kin skin is the best skin; Put your cousin to the
Molotovia Cocktail
test.
Zoey: You could move to the hills of Kentucky and you will
Ask-a-Slut? • Ask-a-Slut? • Ask-a-Slut?Ask-a-Slut? • Ask-a-Slut? • Ask-a-Slut?
fi t right in. Because if you can’t fi nd another, go and fuck your
brother.
We hope we’ve been informative & entertaining, but that’s
all we have time for. Need advice?
Ask your questions at: www.DenverCycleSluts.org/askaslut.
Sharon MaGoodies Want more sluts? myspace.com/denvercyclesluts.
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