horoscopes by vera divine
SCorPIo october 24 – november 22
Silent and deadly, you’ve got a predator’s patience, a thief’s
cunning and best of all, you know how to use that tail of
all you’d wretch at some of your wardrobe choices.
yours to your benefit! You’ve certainly got the tools to make
But eventually you’d be pleasantly surprised at how
life work for you, but once in a while you need some time
far you’ve come in forming your originality. It took
off from your status as a badass. You don’t have to be level-
Alanis Morissette two albums and one big image
headed ALL the time. There’s a neurotic little goofball inside
swap in order to become the fabulously subdued
you somewhere just dying to jump out and indulge every
person she is today.
weird whim you’ve ever had. During this month of gratitude
and a newly arrived autumn, emulate the strange-but-
CANCER June 22 – July 23
original conduct of Bjork. Unafraid to be labeled the weirdo
Look at you! I knew you had it in you—the fire and
that she is, she certainly doesn’t have to borrow any style
grit to become what you wanted. But be careful not
cues from anybody.
to fall into tempting habits, crab cakes. You have
the tendency to be a method-actor—to immerse
yourself in a part so deeply that you temporarily lose
SAGITTARIUS November 23 – December 22 my pesky Pisces. You’re right where you ought to the real you. Take a hint from Juliette Lewis. She may
I always said one day you’d be sorry. Not for that be. Many of the big decisions you’ve made lately convincingly play the big bad bitch in Whip It, but we
hairdo, but for being so cocky! Whatever bet you were the best ones you’ve made in a long time—and all know she’s still the sweet little girl who will rock
lost or treasure you’ve scared away by being such a they’re going to pay off big-time. Our adorable little our socks off if you get a microphone in her hands.
showoff, now’s the time to change (and maybe think Ellen Page is growing up fast and taking on roles that
about fixing the hair too). If you remember Steel are sure to launch her into a league with the big girls. LEO July 24 – August 23
Magnolias—and you know you do—Daryl Hannah Oh lethargic Leo. It’s going to be one of those
went through quite a transformation to become her ARIES March 21 – April 20 months. Nothing’s going to be easy and there will
mousy character. But she did it humbly! Geez, okay! We get it! You win. And you rock. be a hint of trouble in the air. Try to ride it out under
Enough already! I know being better than the other the radar for a while. If tragedy strikes, just breathe
CAPRICORN December 23 – January 20 guy is your main thing, but come on. You have to start and take punishment with dignity. But don’t lose all
Let me guess, you don’t want a commitment? looking for satisfaction at the finishing line instead hope, Woody Harrelson. There’s still a chance that
That’s completely fine! This month will be your of the opposing team’s bleachers! You can be pretty Zombieland might be a cult hit! Surprising perks like
get-out-of-obligation-free card. I understand how ruthless—especially when your opponent is down DVD profits come at the most unexpected and ap-
hard it is to predict how things will pan out down the for the count. But why? Adding insult to injury only preciated times.
road. For now, most of your loyalties actually CAN be sours the game for the rest of us. Did Bette Davis
placed lightly! I know! It’s like a capricious Capricorn’s really have to refer to her rival, Joan Crawford, as The VIRGO August 24 – September 23
dream! But don’t make it a habit beyond this next Steele Widow? Ah Virgo, a monument to class and chastity. Please,
month! Even Hollywood royalty like Faye Dunaway pose for the cameras while I roll my eyes and gag.
needs to be careful when distancing herself from one TAURUS April 21 – May 21 Homegirl, you’re still human, and that uppity little
of her more memorable roles. Hey there working gurl! Don’t you hate it when swagger needs to be smacked down a notch or two.
judgmental outsiders accuse you of letting your Remember the days of the starlets of yesteryear.
AQUARIUS January 21 – February 19 work define who you are? As if they really knew what Jayne Mansfield may have had a habit of letting her
When does a style become a parody? I mean, at it took to make it in your industry, right? Well maybe golden globes slip out of her dress every now and
one point curtain moustaches, Stetsons, two-tone it’s time to consider the fact that outsiders make ex- then. But there you were, stealing the spotlight with
leather jackets and 1984 Firebirds were as chic as cellent purveyors of objective viewpoints. They may that judgmental scowl. Yes, I’m talking about you,
celebs in jail! Alas, times inevitably change. This is not not be aware of what it took to get you where you Sophia Loren!
the area of your life where you should be holding on. are, but they can sure pinpoint an imbalance from
Let go of the old and welcome in the new. And I’m where they stand. Keep an open mind. A devilishly LIbRA September 24 – October 23
not just talking about your wardrobe. Burt Reynolds good career turn could approach you like it did for Oh no, not again. Are you still obsessing about
may be convinced he’s still got it, but for a decade Al Pacino. getting older? Stop focusing on your shelf life and
that is now only alive at theme parties, it’s safe to say concentrate on your marketability. Think about all
the ‘80s are over. GEMINI May 22 – June 21 the things you’ve experienced in this past decade.
Think back to when you first attempted to find Accomplishment is your game. We sure don’t have
PISCES February 20 – March 20 your individuality. Remember how excited and to remind Kate Winslet that she’s come a long way
Ever wonder whether or not you’re on the right certain you were that you’d finally be able to express from playing a spoiled socialite on a doomed luxury
track? Don’t you hate it when you have absolutely yourself? Well if you took a Polaroid of yourself then liner. As I always say, lose the unnaturally red hair and
no way to find out? Well you’re in luck this month, and compared it to what you’re doing now, first of there’s no telling how far you’ll go.
80 RAGE monthly | november 2009
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