buzz off
Got beef? Let us know:
tellbuzz@hotmail.com
YOU TELL US...
Dear Buzz,
Which would you rather: to sweat marmite or have no hair whatsoever on your body – not even
eyelashes?
Sarah Gooch
Dear Sarah,
I suppose the question really is whether we should publish questions like this in Buzz. Still, your
hypothetical dilemma raises an interesting question: is it better to be afflicted with a condition
that will make you look a bit weird or one that will make you smell a bit weird and feel sticky and
a quickie
yeasty. There’s a strong case to be made for sweating marmite, since presumably if you use enough
deodorant you can keep the symptoms at bay. You could also set up some sort of human marmite
company (Manmite?), meaning that the rest of your life would be spent flogging your bodily fluids
with...
to wealthy holidaymakers in Dubai desperate for the latest cannibal delicacy. All it would take is a
little business acumen and a few hours of vigorous exercise every day. Whereas if you had no hair
you could only really become a clothes mannequin, which hardly competes with a vast Manmite
TERRY ALDETON
empire of luxury spreads milked from the sweat glands of one blessed superhuman.
I hope this advice helps.
Morning Terry, how’s things?
Buzz
Great, still buzzing from a fantastic show last night.
What can Cardiff punters expect from the Terry
WE DIDN’T KNOW THAT LAST MONTH
Alderton experience?
I’m not conventional; it’s quite anarchic what I do.
I have my back to the audience quite a lot, it’s not
me being rude, it’s just part of the act. I like play-
1 – More than half of Britons regularly
ing Cardiff. The crowds are always feisty. Not in
exceed the government’s safe drinking
a rude way. They engage you in conversation and
totally join in my flights of fantasy.
limits; those aged between 25 to 34 are
the worst offenders: 61% of them say Anything in Welsh you’d like to know how to say?
they exceed the limits slightly or by a lot.
What’s that ridiculous station called?
Ah, Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwryndrobw
2 – More than 90 percent of the world’s lllantysiliogogogoch. It means something far-
rubies come from Burma
fetched; I think it was a Victorian PR thing to
attract rich Scousers.
3 – When Woman’s Hour began in 1946, it I think it probably means “Oy Brummies, stop
was hosted by a man
drinking our water.”
4 – China produces less than 4 percent of Any current Premiership goalkeeper you suspect
the world’s exports; India less than 1
of having comedian potential?
percent.
All of them. Especially the Spurs fella, Gomes. His
face is like a midget’s!
5 – Clockwise is an arbitrary term as it
follows the movement of the sun; if the
Who is your favourite Welsh person?
original clock designers had been in
Ah it’s got to be Tom Jones. Legend. He caught me
impersonating him doing a duet with Joe Pasquale
Australia the clock hands would have
instead of Cerys Matthews on the Ian Wright show
travelled the other way. where we’d both been guests. I thought he’d left
the studios, I was with the band messing about
and he’s there watching from the wings. He loved
you what?
it. He’s old school. Yeah, him and Shirley Bassey.
Brilliant.
Is there an impersonation you can’t do and des-
perately want to? Like I would do anything to be
able to do Christopher Walken.
I tell you I’d love to do Morgan Freeman. Oh and
“
Was Hitler good at making cocktails?
French accents. I can’t grasp them. I can’t do
Welsh ones either when I’m in Wales. If I’m in chip
- Journalist gets the wrong end of the stick
”
alley in Cardiff, I’ll pretend I’m Australian. Welsh
people know exactly what valley you’re from as
soon as you speak.
“
I do
Terry Alderton is performing at the Glee Club
on Thurs 12 Nov. Tickets:
www.glee.co.uk / 0871
- Angharad Crank to Gary Brown
”
472 0400.
BUZZ 73
NOVEMBER 2009.indd 73 28/10/09 12:59:52
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48 |
Page 49 |
Page 50 |
Page 51 |
Page 52 |
Page 53 |
Page 54 |
Page 55 |
Page 56 |
Page 57 |
Page 58 |
Page 59 |
Page 60 |
Page 61 |
Page 62 |
Page 63 |
Page 64 |
Page 65 |
Page 66 |
Page 67 |
Page 68 |
Page 69 |
Page 70 |
Page 71 |
Page 72 |
Page 73 |
Page 74 |
Page 75 |
Page 76