BEWARE
Jayne Davies runs
of the green-
Swansea’s only speed
dating organisation
(spark-dating.
co.uk). She provides
relationship advice
eyed monster
and tips on how to
fi nd love in Swansea’s
glamorous and frenetic
THIS MONTH, OUR RELATIONSHIP GURU, JAYNE DAVIES, PONDERS
dating scene. THE FRUITLESSNESS OF COMPARING RELATIONSHIPS AND THE
UGLY EMOTION OF JEALOUSY.
Jealousy is an ugly emotion. No sooner are we
congratulating a friend, relative or colleague on
good news then we fi nd ourselves wishing WE
had been the ones to experience the luck.
Most recently, on a ferry trip across Lake Como
with the girls, we noticed an extremely passionate
couple at the back of the boat who really should
have “got a room.”
Whilst we all giggle/tutted simultaneously at
the sight, I also found myself a little envious
of their oblivion to fellow passengers and their
abandonment of all decorum. How fabulous to be
so newly-in-love that they fared ignorant to the
beautiful surroundings and spent their €9.50 ferry
trip in a lip-lock!
Don’t get me wrong, a weekend away with friends
in Milan was envied by many a pal left at home.
But on this particular journey, I found myself
thinking about our expectations in the pursuit for
romance and our continual comparisons with
others’ relationships. “PUBLIC AFFECTION, BRAVADO AND CONFIDENCE
Are women deceived by the unattainable concept
CAN OFTEN CONCEAL LESS POSITIVE EMOTIONS
of the fairytale romance? Do we believe that every
other man is romantic except the one in OUR lives
FESTERING UNDER THE SURFACE.”
– despite the majority of females experiencing the
same dilemma?
In general, we only reveal and are exposed to the
envy at young love was suddenly dispersed, Any assessment of one against the other is a
positive or passionate traits in the relationships
replaced with pity and I snapped back to reality. completely ridiculous exercise.
of others. Most of us would rather share tales of
We only reveal what we want to reveal – the sexy, I am pretty darn lucky to be in a situation where
romantic gestures than stories of quiet nights in
glamorous and enviable stories because it makes I have a great family, wonderful friends and a
wearing pyjamas eating popcorn and watching
for more exciting listening. fabulous fi ancé. But this doesn’t stop me longing
Sky+.
Instead of envying others, we need to work on
for a higher degree of perfection at times.
Before we compare the passion and spark in the
what’s best for us and our quest for romance, But whenever I fi nd myself envying another
relationships of others with our own, we need to
contentment or elation. Public affection, bravado person’s relationship – be it romantic involvement,
carefully consider the proportion and exaggeration
and confi dence can often conceal less positive a friendship or family interaction – I now try to
of the information shared.
emotions festering under the surface. rationalise it more and often conclude that I too
I once worked with a girl who continually chirped
Don’t dwell on these. All too often we are so
may be envied.
on about her fantastically rampant relationship
busy comparing A with B that we fail to realise If I do conclude otherwise, I vow to seek ways
only to discover she’d actually met him just three
that they are incomparable entities. Just as each to immediately improve the situation before the
times over a 12-month period before he revealed
individual is unique, every relationship – made green-eyed monster rears its ugly head.
he was leaving her for…a man! My overwhelming
up of two individuals – is even more inimitable.
12 swansealife August 2009
SingleInTheCity_Nov.indd 12 19/10/2009 17:05:27
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