TALK
her sAY
Be Brave Enough to Be
WHo You
reAllY Are
HUMORIST HEIDI HALLER SHOWS HOW TO
‘IMPROVISE!’ ‘ADAPT!’ AND ‘OVERCOME!’
TO MEET LIFE’S CHALLENGES HEAD ON.
by hEIdI hallEr
w
ake up America! This year’s we must all learn to “Improvise! Adapt!
cAn i PUt YoU on hoLd?
whole theme has been about And Overcome!” So take a deep breath and
THe sITuATIoN: You’re on the phone
transformation... and it’s take note of the following real life situations
arguing with your satellite dish provider
everywhere! Alaska Governor Sarah Palin and solutions. Its time to stop feeling the
because, once again, your $130 a month,
single-handedly transformed the Republican pressure to “reinvent yourself ” and be brave
unlimited movie, ‘fat chance if you can get
Party, Britains Got Talent’s Susan Boyle was enough to be who you really are!
it’ receiver is on the fritz. Suddenly, you get
transformed from granny to glammy; and
another call beeping through which you
the biggest, record-breaking blockbuster of
IMprOvISE! ADApT!
answer angrily…only to discover it’s your
the summer was Transformers 2!
child’s teacher! THe soluTIoN: Pretend
But transformation doesn’t have to be
AND OvErCOME!
you’re the housekeeper and put her on
as obvious as Joan River’s facelift. In fact,
ding dong the Witch is deAd hold. Then, transform your voice into a
many of us embrace change on a daily basis
THe sITuATIoN: You have a co-worker melodious-sounding cooking show host…
without giving it a second thought. We
straight from the pages of The Devil Wears with so much sugar… that it gives you
turn our brown eyes to blue with colored
Prada. She steals your ideas and steamrolls a rush. From wrath to warmth, you can
contact lenses. We read books on our
over you verbally. But, as soon as the boss switch back faster than Anne Heche!
Blackberrys and have phone conversations
walks in, she morphs into Ms. Congeniality.
via text. And we watch T.V. on flat screens
THe soluTIoN: Transform her right out
Change is inevitable; and most of us live life
that have gotten so big, they’ve replaced
of a job with a Nanny Cam!
in a constant state of flux. We scrimp pennies
wallpaper! Even the President has gotten in order to make large deposits in the Bank
in on the act, trying to turn around the
sMoKe And Mirrors
of Starbuck’s. We drive like an Indy race car
economy by extending unemployment,
THe sITuATIoN: You’re invited to the
driver until we spot a patrol car. We even flash
allowing cash for your clunker (that would
social gathering of the season, but you’ve
a phony smile and mutter ‘that’s ok’ when
be your car, not your spouse) and lowering
put on so much extra weight, even control-
someone rams us with their grocery cart.
our Cobra payments….Bless you, Mr.
top pantyhose can’t battle your bulge.
But while change may be unavoidable, it is
President. I can now afford to touch-up
THe soluTIoN: Purchase one of those
not always predictable. Take, for example, the
my roots!
‘body shaping things’ guaranteed to
news that Ellen DeGeneres will be replacing
The truth is, change is a matter of
make you look ten pounds slimmer... and
Pala Abdul on American Idol. Wow!... I never
survival. And, like the Marine’s battle cry,
transform you into a red carpet diva!
saw that coming!
MYUNDERTHESUN.COM l OCTOBER 29
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