relationships
5
DEAR BROOKE
WAYS TO
& DARIA…
KEEP A LONG
Our resident agony aunts
soothe your dating pains
DISTANCE
RELATIONSHIP
ALIVE
Stuck in Highgate while
she’s in Honolulu? g3 helps
your relationship
Communicate stay the distance
If your only contact from her in six months
Dear Brooke and Daria, I’ve met a
is a letter with a photo of her husband and
lovely woman, and she seems very keen
new baby enclosed, you’ve left it too long.
and fl irty, but there’s one problem…
Touch base with one another every day,
Visit
She’s never been with a woman before
even if it’s just a single sentence email to tell
and after six months of waiting,it’s starting
her the cat’s thrown up in your shoe.
each other
ved is languishing in
to feel like she never will. There’s been
Ev
en if y
our belo
especially
if
nothing. Not even a kiss. How can I speed
San Quentin jail - in fact,
things up? Yours, Celibate of Cockermouth
she’
s languishing in San Quentin jail
e an eff
or
t to see
– y
ou need to mak
Brooke: Sexuality can be a confusing
her
. Liv
e on por
ridge f
or a month,
giv
e
and sa
ve
,
thing, especially if you fi nd yourself
up y
our designer jeans habit,
attracted to women later in life. It could
sav
e, sa
ve f
or that
be just that she just doesn’t know how
megab
ucks tr
ip!
to make the fi rst move in a girl-on-girl
You’
re in lo
ve
,
situation; perhaps the ball has to be in
remember?
your court, as the more experienced
party. I know it’s awkward, but have you
tried actually asking her (jokingly if you
need to!) if she really does fancy you?
Better to bite the bullet than spend any
more lonely evenings biting into oversized
chocolate bars, whilst watching rom-
coms and wailing. Yes, we know you’ve
95
been doing it, you can’t fool us. Painful
Trust
though it is, it really would be best not
one another
to get your hopes up. Plenty of
supposedly straight girls fl irt with their
You can’t spend every waking moment
lesbian friends, but if she’s kept you
visualising her drenched in sweat with her
Relish the
waiting this long, it seems more as if
hot neighbour. Eventually she will tire of the
anticipation
she’s just enjoying the attention than
accusatory 3am transatlantic calls, and your
Cohabitation can be suffocating.
wondering what it would be like to dip
paranoid fantasies may well become a reality.
You’re not just sharing a bed,
into the honey-pot. But you won’t
but also sharing nasty stomach
know until you ask, eh?
Plan for
bugs, fruity expulsions of wind
and loud rearrangements of
the future
Daria: Sigh. Brooke gives you the sugar-
phlegm. Being apart most
coated version, as usual. Well I’m giving it
If y
ou ha
of the time means you’ll be
to you STRAIGHT. Which is exactly
forward to bey
ve
nothing to look at your best when you’re
what the object of your affections is.
your wages on r
ond spending all
together – shaved and plucked
Stop torturing yourself and fi nd a
New Zealand,
ushed tr
and sweet-smelling, with table
proper red-blooded dyke to keep
look v
ips to
manners in perfect check.
you warm at night.
idea of where y
e
ry
things will star
b
leak indeed.
a y
ear’
Ha
t to
s time
ou want to be in
v
e
an
.
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