relationships
Treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen is a tried
and tested dating method – but is it
really the best way to behave?
Chloe Marshall takes a look at this
confusing tactic…
YOU HAVE
0MESSAGES
A woman smiles at you across the bar, and But some lezzers really love the chase: “I find it really a little less interested than you really are, it’s one of the
you coyly look back and then away again, exciting when I’m not sure quite how interested she best ways to gauge each others’ feelings when dating.
not wanting to seem too keen. You really is. The slightest hint she’s into me will make me really And it’s sensible to question whether your feelings might
fancy her, but you want to make her work for your happy. If she laid her feelings down on the table right be reciprocated, before you book that romantic trip to
affections. You wait to give her your number, wait to away, I would find it quite a turn off” says Amy, 26, an Paris for two as your elaborate declaration of love.
reply to her texts, and generally behave in an evasive, accountant. And even if you do get annoyed as you
aloof way when she asks to see you. Because, so the pace around your living room, wondering whether she’s What if you detect that she’s the one playing hard
theory goes, this paints you as the mysterious oh-so- interested or not, doesn’t the challenge of it all make to get? Should you offer her a challenge in return? If
desirable girl, who she needs to work extra hard to dating more exciting? she declines invitations and doesn’t call you back, you
impress, hopefully convincing her that you must be should make it clear that you’re busy and have your
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worth it in the end.
Does this dating trick work, or will your pursuer just
give up, concluding that you’re either not interested…
or just a bit selfish? According to Ellen Fein and Sherrie
Schneider, the two straight mates who took it upon
“
own life as well. And when it comes to sex, you could
make a noble act of celibacy, until she’s so keen she’s
humping your leg… but, of course, instead of following
I’m too old for
‘rules’ you may think it’s more pleasurable to do it
the bullshit – if when you both feel the time is right. Always playing
games to have the upper hand will be perceived as
themselves to write The Rules to guide women in this
someone wants to
“
stimulating to some people, but annoying and childish
direction, it’s crucial to provide your pursuer with a to others.
be with you, they’ll
challenge. Their book is one of America’s bestsellers with
a huge following, so they might be right. Or are they? All the world’s a dating game, and we are merely the be with you, it’s
players. If you don’t play a little hard to get, you might
Many of us hold back in the first few dates due to a fear
that simple.
come across as needy or desperate. But if you play
of getting hurt, or not wanting to scare the other person too hard to get, you might seem standoffish and cold.
off. But deliberately holding back just to make the other Perhaps such dating rules are completely ridiculous
person work harder could come across as manipulative, Either way, it’s common sense that in the early stages and we should just have the confidence to be ourselves.
and some women will not tolerate this kind of game of dating, you’ll get as much respect as you command. Tempting as it might seem, if you’re desperate to make
playing. “I’m too old for the bullshit – if someone wants If you immediately show that your life revolves around a connection with someone, baring your soul on the
to be with you, they’ll be with you, it’s that simple” says her, you may be giving her an open invitation to walk all first date isn’t always the best move. Stay cool, but
Penny, 38, a lecturer. over you. Although it may seem silly to pretend you’re don’t freeze her out completely.
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