Roses are red, violets are blue, Iʼm a Septemberʼs acknowledgement by the PCO speaking to their Chairman (and vice chairman),
schizophrenic and so am I
that they are to allow paranoid schizophrenics
Napoleon Levy, this reporter was told: ʻthe PCO
to train for the knowledge shouldnʼt come of
have been very courageous in this decision, we
Writing articles is quite diffi cult, every month I
much a surprise, London appear to have been
have rights, both of usʼ. The LSCA did however
have to sit down, seek inspiration and dream up
licensing people with this type of complaint for
condemn the PCO for charging Schizophrenics
bigger and better insults than the month before;
some considerable time, it could be described
twice for their licenses, and justifying their
itʼs damn hard work I can tell you. Every once in
as a condition of licence?
a while a story reaches the national press about
decision by making it a condition that two
the taxi trade at just the right moment. Thank
This new licensing stipulation came about application forms are fi lled out. The LSCA
you London… thank you very much.
after a great deal of research and study by
spokesman damned the move:
the PCO. They have secretly been recording
conversations in those green shelters
dotted about our nationʼs capital. In being
“Effectively Schizophrenics are doubling
one of the tradeʼs leading investigative
Londonʼs taxi driver numbers, I work days,
journalists this writer contacted Scientists
I apparently work nights, although during
who advised the condition, also known as: nights I prefer to wear a fl owery dress with a
ʻBeingtoofarupyourownbacksideitisʼ, it is caused
Napoleon hat, weʼre providing a public service
by long periods sitting down, realising the cup is
and the PCO are being over zealous, itʼs a
truly half empty and the world is out to get your
diabolical liberty”
green arse.
Suffers from the disease are often heard
The PCO poured scorn on this point, a
making strange noises, examples include:
spokesman told me: “We have been considering
ʻbleedin minicabsʼ, ʻM4 Bus laneʼ and ʻEffi ng the lack of availability of taxis on an evening
Addison Leeʼ. I spoke recently to a London
for a number of hours, it seems to be an ideal
Cab Driver, when asked about the new PCO
solution to licence schitzos, we get one for the
policy I was told: “Facking PCO? They ainʼt got
a Scooby doo mate, bring back Ronnie and
price of two, although we would draw the line at
Reggie thatʼs what I say, theyʼd have sorted
axe wielding homicidal maniacs, although we
it aaaht, only killed their own yʼknow, cam on
cannot rule them out totally”.
West Haaaaam!” The condition should not be
confused with ʻAintgoingsarfoftheriverguvʼ which A spokesman for the LAWHMTDC (London
seems to affect a certain percentage of drivers
Axe Wielding Homicidal Maniacs Taxi Drivers
on an evening. The PCO stress that the public
Club) was outraged: “Itʼs totally unfair, they are
ought be in no danger whatsoever, provided of
course, they donʼt say “I do” to them.
allowing those fruit loops to be licensed, what
about us? Do you like my new axe? Frisnit,
The LSCA (London Schizophrenics Cab
Frisnit, yippee” At this point he sharpened his
Association) defended the PCO decision, axe so I made my excuses and left…
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