I also received Princes Trust funding in 2000 and As annoying as it is I don’t have a massive plan as where the
that enabled me to have my fi rst solo stand at Top
sometimes, the inclusion
business is going to go from here. To be honest, I
Drawer that Autumn. It was also around then that I didn’t think I would still be doing the business ten
secured a very large order which led me to take the
of the ‘F’ word on a card
years down the line so I’m just happy for that. If I
plunge and go into my business full time. I thought have any sort of goal it’s to keep my niche in the
if nothing else the money would bankroll me for
always makes it sell better,
rude greetings section (I think that will always be
a few months. My family of course thought I was
despite limiting its range.
my home) but I’m looking to expand into shops
mad, but I quit my job nonetheless. that wouldn’t normally stock me with some more
My early cards were vastly different from what gentle humour and design-led ranges which will be
I produce now, partly to do with cost and time and Morris from Dean Morris Cards? coming in the new year.
also because as my style has changed so has the Needless to say I had the biggest ego for the rest My tenth anniversary year has defi nitely been
cards. They used to be all handmade (basically as of the holiday after that! the year of ‘Keep Calm and Carry on’, which
I couldn’t afford the large print runs in those days) These days I have plenty of celebrity customers, has seen substantial growth over the summer and
and that was the style – lots of glitter, sequins, including Peter Andre, Christopher Biggins, Judi introduced Dean Morris Cards to a whole raft of
Bollywood stars, and a range of camped up images Dench, Graham Norton, Letitia Dean and Camilla retailers that I wouldn’t normally meet. It’s been
of the Royal Family. Parker Bowles. fun.
After a few years of doing nothing but There has always been controversy about my
storing lots of cards in my bedroom (which was cards, and they’re clearly not to everybody’s tastes
still my offi ce) I decided that warehousing and including several UK newspapers. My business
My top fi ve favourite cards
manufacturing solely printed cards was the way accounts for a tiny proportion of the UK industry
I’ve ever done:
to go. As most of my output was now humorous turnover and yet it seemed last year to account for
• ‘F**k off
anyway, handmade texture was not really required. a lot of the press. But if nobody liked them I would
back to
It was the joke that was important. have gone out of business years ago – I simply
Nowadays I think I’m mostly known for
economy’
make cards that I fi nd funny, and I hope others will
humorous cards, and humour that is probably at the too.
– think
far end of the scale. But I simply make cards that I I’ve found any cards that slag off men, celebrate I’ll have
fi nd funny, or what I would send to my friends. In women, celebrate alcohol and gay cards always
that as my
fact some of my bestsellers have come about from do really well. I remember launching a small
epitaph. A
messing around with cards that I was making for selection of cards soon after civil partnerships were
card that is consistently popular too.
my friends. ‘F**k off back to economy’ from my recognised and thinking that hardly any of the big
cabin crew range is one such card.
• ‘Go green, f**k a vegetarian’ – when
boys had cottoned on to this new market yet.
I have a large airline following now with the And as annoying as it is sometimes the inclusion
I was designing this I literally burst out
range of cabin crew cards and gifts. A lot of crew of the ‘F’ word on a card always makes it sell laughing, that’s quite a tough job.
seem to think I must have been cabin crew in a better, despite limiting its range. One tradition of
• ‘You know you’re old when all your
previous job, which is obviously untrue - I just mine is every year I always release a new ‘Merry
friends smell of piss’ – I think this is my
like fl ying and have picked up the humour in that. F***ing Christmas’ card.
biggest selling card ever, so I love it for
Whenever I fl y I always make sure I have a pack As well as the cards I also produce an extensive
of cabin crew goodies for the crew to give to them,
this.
range of gifts including fridge magnets, key rings,
they always seem pleased. mugs, lighters, badges and new for September,
• ‘Mabel sucked cock for cash’ – pretty
One of my proudest moments in the business compact mirrors. much forgotten now from the Family
was related to my cabin crew cards. I was getting a Badges, in particular, are a great for getting
Values range, but I just love how the text
very early fl ight to Dubai just after Christmas a few ideas out into shops that wouldn’t necessarily work
just rolls of the tongue!
years back and there was a problem with my ticket on a card. With badges I can also work very quickly
• ‘Who wants fi sting?’ – Even though
so had to wait around the check-in area whilst BA to comment on current events such as ‘Bankers are
sorted it out. I was sitting there for a while and one
the picture isn’t rude at all I’m surprised
Wankers’, which is particularly appropriate while
of the ticketing staff came over, (after clocking my ‘Follow me on Twitter’ is a new one I expect to do
I actually let this go to print.
name on the ticket,) and asked if I was the Dean well.
www.greetingstoday.co.uk 19
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