New Jersey Deer Hunter

Did you hear about the hunter from New
Jersey who came up to Maine to shoot
himself a deer? He didn’t hire a guide, you
see, figured he didn’t need one; too tight
to hire one anyway.
He got lost, of course, had a compass but
couldn’t read it. A few days later he stag-
gered out of the woods and fell into the
arms of another hunter and said, “Oh, god,
am I glad to see you! I’m from New Jersey
and I’ve been lost in the Maine woods for
5 days and 5 nights!”
The other hunter says, “Don’t get your
hopes up, Buddy, I’m from Massachusetts!”

When Kids Learn to Swear

A 6-year-old and 4-year-old are upstairs in
their bedroom.
"You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I
think it's about time we started cussing."
The 4-year-old nods his head in approval.
The 6-year-old continues, "When we go
downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say
something with 'hell' and you say some-
thing with 'ass'."
The 4-year-old agrees with enthusiasm
and they head down stairs.
When their mother walks into the kitchen
and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for
breakfast, he replies, "Hell, Ma. I guess
I'll have some Cheerios."
Mom slaps him -- Whack!
The older boy flies out of his chair, tum-
bles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and
runs upstairs crying his eyes out with his
mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear
with every step. She locks him in his room
and shouts, "You can stay in there until I
let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at
the 4-year-old and asks with a stern voice,
"And what do you want for breakfast,
young man?
"I don't know," he blubbers. "But you can
bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!"



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