relationships
Dealing with a break-up is hard enough,
but what happens when it’s impossible
to move on? Chloe Marshall takes a
look at the dangers of
becoming obsessed
THE EX
with an ex.
FACTOR
As you struggle to accept that it’s over,
sometimes the object of your love can turn
into your object of obsession, leading to a
painful cycle of wanting nothing more than
the one person you can’t have. If you’re
constantly replaying old memories of
relationship bliss, then you’re living in
the past, not the present.
“When Emma dumped me I had nothing to compare. You may never fully move on. It’s still relied on me heavily for emotional support. She
else to live for. The only thing that kept me going important to realise that just because you don’t feel couldn’t move on fully as she still expected my help
was the pictures, the memories, the daydreams… capable of loving anyone other than your ex now, and friendship,” says Kat, 34, a barmaid.
even now I’d do anything to see her again,” admits it doesn’t mean you won’t ever have those feelings
Sarah, 29, a personal trainer. If you’re still calling, again in the future. By spending time with your ex, you’re serving as a
texting and emailing your ex on a regular basis, painful reminder of what she can’t have. She might
be careful not to turn into a stalker! Continually On the fl ipside, what if you are the unfortunate object see any attention as good attention, so you may
chasing her will only make you seem disturbingly of obsession? It’s no more fun being on the receiving have to be cruel to be kind and refuse to see her to
desperate, so keep contact to a minimum. Don’t end of such attention – and you have to be very help speed up the moving on process. If your ex’s
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even think about hounding her every move, or
hanging around to catch glimpses of her while
she’s going about her day. “I was in the park having
a picnic with friends and we heard rustling in the
bushes. I was horrifi ed when I realised it was my
ex spying on us. Luckily, my mates saw the funny
“
“
behaviour is really intruding on your life, you need
to be clear that her attention is unwanted and
Nothing says ‘I don’t unhealthy – and possibly illegal.
love you’ better than
Being ex-obsessed can drive anyone to do anything
to get closer to the one they love. However, what
a restraining order.
side, and I realised I’d made the right decision,” says starts out as a forlorn lovesick expression can turn
Danita, 33, a photographer. Remember, nothing into persistent harassment, which is likely to ruin
says ‘I don’t love you’ better than restraining order. careful about how you deal with it. You might feel every chance of reconciling the relationship, or
smug at fi rst, but being pursued after a break-up even salvaging some kind of friendship from the
The only way to appear half sane is to get out there is not as fl attering as it seems. Your ex could be wreckage. As hard as it may be, it’s very important
and have some fun, no matter how lovesick you manipulating you, aiming to sabotage a new to accept when its time to move on, rather than
feel. Entertaining the prospect of meeting a new relationship or make you feel guilty for past mistakes. needlessly prolonging each other’s suffering.
girl or two is one sure way to fi gure out the scale There are reasons why the relationship ended
of your preoccupation, as well as providing a much Talk to her if she needs closure, but be clear that – understanding these is the fi rst step towards
needed confi dence boost when you get lucky. the sooner she moves on, the better. After a certain moving on. If you or your ex can’t do this, and the
amount of time, she’ll run out of plausible excuses lovelorn party’s behaviour becomes increasingly
If you’re always holding on to a romantic, idealised to see you, and you need to know when its time to depressive, obsessive or compulsive, then the problems
version of your ex, then nobody else will be able put your foot down. “Although she ended it, my ex may be more serious, and it could be time to get help.
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