26 28/7/03 12:21 AM Page 1
WORD ON THE WEB words: JASON RILEY
More Internet gubbins and random
message board chitter-chatter from our resident cyber-dawg...
Fans of the gone but not forgotten Stevie Hyper D will be no doubt chuffed
to bits that a website and album are in development, writes
ForumPoliceInThaArea on Drum & Bass Arena (breakbeat.co.uk/forum):
“The album has been made by Benny V and the site has had ‘coming
soon’ on it since late last year.” Taiwan replies: “Jason Air (Different
Levels) was fortunate enough to work with the late great Stevie Hyper D
before his tragic death and the first release on the new label will be in his
tribute (with profits going to his family). Keep your eyes peeled for release
date and exclusives being played out by all the big names.”
‘Dillinja – the Fatboy Slim of D&B? Discuss’ posts DJ Hart over on
Dnbforum.com. JDM ain’t feelin’ him, saying: “Dillinja’s tunes get played
by a-list DJs across London and abroad, and have been smashin’ up
dancefloors for years.” Hart replies: “You can’t knock Dillinja for having
his own style. On the other hand, when all his tunes sound the same
(especially after all those years of proper diverse badman tunes), it’s a
fucking let down.” Drum & bass producer writes similar-sounding tunes
shocker! Better hold that front page...
Distorted Minds have also been taking a verbal battering over on Dogs
On Acid (dogsonacid.com), which is the last thing they need after getting
cussed down by Twisted Individual. Says Adam G: “These dudes need
some music lessons, makes me a bit sick of how artists will swindle kids
into buying their shit music when its all recycled... I knew this back when
I picked up that tune I think is called ‘Snuff Baby’ when they ripped off
Die’s ‘Drop Bear’.” Crikey, is anyone doing anything new these days?
Oh yes, of course - High Contrast.
We’ve come a long way from the days when the only time you heard
d&b on the telly was in the car stereo of some dodgy crim on The Bill.
Writes Forum Fuckwit: “I watched ‘Spooks’ on BBC1 on Mondays at 9pm.
Just chilling and watching; then i realised that in the background the main
tune is a slowed-down version of Mampi Swift’s ‘Trippin’.” Original Forum
Crew replies: “If I posted a topic every time I heard drum & bass on the
TV, there would be no room for discussion on this board. I’ve even heard
some dirty break-ridden drum & bass track on The National Geographic
Channel on a program about owls.”
This month, after scouring the dirty frying pan that is the World Wide
Web and picking away at the crusty pasta residues therein, we uncovered
these tasty morsels. Howstrange.com is a collection completely random
animations and altered images with one thing in common – they’re all
bloody funny. Laugh at Darth Vader’s dark side brainstorming meeting
(should the Death Star be pink or dark grey?). Chuckle at the small,
cherubic looking child making offensive sentences out of building blocks.
And smirk amusedly at the American Very Civil War (“Kind sir, feel free to
shoot me at your earliest convenience”).
On a more musical tip, we came across new d&b resource site Planet
Drum & Bass (planetdnb.com). Like the jungle, it’s massive, with
everything from a merchandise shop to news, top tens, event listings and
classifieds right through to the latest releases and DJ mixes. Believe us,
it’s big, and only the mighty Drum & Bass Arena tops it as far as weighty
content goes. Hotness.
The Jive Server (http://ccwf.cc.utexas.edu/~eclectic/toys/jive.html) mean-
while, does exactly what it says on the tin, specifically translating whatever
your own dialogue into pure ‘70s ghetto talk. Thus, the thoroughly
British-sounding ‘Hello, my name is Jason Riley and of a Saturday evening I
rather enjoy listening to the music called drum & bass’ becomes ‘wha’s
down, mah name be Jason an’ o’ some Saturday prime time I ratha’ enjoy
listenin’ t’ da damn beat called drum & bass.’ Straight up, cat, ya hear?
Fans of big-ass stereo equipment and ‘80s hip hop could do worse than
take a trip down memory lane to Pocket Calculator Show (pocketcalcula-
torshow.com). It’s a site dedicated to the late 70s and 80s boom in elec-
tronic consumer products, our favourite of which has to be the boombox,
or ghetto blaster (or jam box - the list of names are endless). There’s an
entire site’s worth of material dedicated purely to these big bass-busting
lumps of shiny metal, including a detailed history of their appearance in
TV and film - although they seem to have missed out ‘The Lost Boys’,
specifically the “death by stereo” moment. Utter Class.
Last up for the sites is the supremely silly masturbationhorror.com -
‘because love hurts but sometimes self-love hurts the most’. Here, there
lies some gruesome and quite, quite hilarious tales of sexual misadventure,
varying from Women In Trouble to Reader Stories to Injury And Death.
Our favourites were from Vacuum Disasters, which included the following
tale: ‘Drunk off his ass, one unfortunate hoosier found his vacuum cleaner
a bit too appealing. He inserted his manhood into the hose and turned on
the machine, which sucked him far enough inside to get intimate attention
from the machine’s belt, rug-beater, and brushes. After the loss of a huge
amount of blood and about two hundred stitches, full function was
restored, though, as the surgeon put it, “The structure was not a thing of
beauty.”.’ Let that be a lesson to you, web heads. ‘Til next time...| œ
26 : KNOWLEDGE
Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40  |  Page 41  |  Page 42  |  Page 43  |  Page 44  |  Page 45