Down East Justice

A New York lawyer went duck hunting in
rural Down East Maine. He shot and
dropped a duck, but it fell into a farmer’s
field on the other side of a fence. As the
lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly
farmer drove up on his tractor and asked
him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, “I shot a duck
and it fell in this field, and now I’m going
to retrieve it.”
The old farmer replied, “This is my prop-
erty and you are not coming over here.”
The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the
best trial attorneys in the United States
and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll
sue you and take everything you own.
The old farmer smiled and said,
“Apparently, you don’t know how we settle
disputes Down East. We settle small dis-
agreements like this with the Down East
Three Kick Rule.”
The lawyer asked, “What is the Down East
Three Kick Rule?”
The Farmer replied, “Well, because the
dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you
three times and then you kick me three
times and so on back and forth until some-
one gives up.”
The attorney quickly thought about the
proposed contest and decided that he
could easily take the old codger. He
agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from
the tractor and walked up to the attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy
steel toed work boot into the lawyer’s
groin and dropped him to his knees. His
second kick to the midriff sent the law-
yer’s last meal gushing from his mouth.
The barrister was on all fours when the
farmer’s third kick to his rear end sent
him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will
and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his
face with the arm of his jacket, he said,
“Okay, you old coot. Now it’s my turn.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Naw, I
give up. You can have the duck.”

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