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ANIMAL LOVERS neighbor’s report of domestic violence in
The world’s most extensive array a subdivision near Payson, Ariz., in
FULL Reg. $379 QUEEN Reg. $449
of animal “rights” took effect in September decided that the “fight” the
Now Only Now Only
Switzerland in September. Dog own- neighbor heard was the high-pitched
ers must take, at their own expense, mating scream of a male elk. And an
$303 $359
classes in pet care (and anglers must August police search near Linz,
take a class in humane treatment of Germany, was called off after the “blood-
fish). Animals listed as “social” curdling” screams reported as a woman
(including goldfish, hamsters, sheep, in distress were actually the mating cries
goats, yaks) must be kept with or of a badger. And officials at the Bristol
near another of their species. Zoo in England promised neighbors they
Goldfish must have some “privacy,” would temporarily house gibbons inside
e.g., no completely transparent during the night because of their loud
Prices are for Frame Only
tanks, and can only be killed mating duets.
humanely (never flushed alive).
Even mud-loving pigs are entitled to WHAT’S IN A MIDDLE NAME? 871-6406
showers. Yet, Swiss animal rights Arrested recently and awaiting trial
activists complained that the coun- for murder: Nathaniel Wayne Lee,
Tues.-Fri. 10-5, Sat. 10-2 285
try still permits trading in cat fur Attalla, Ala. (September); Michael
Hukilike St., Kahului
(supposedly a pain-reliever for Wayne Wood Sr. (arrested in Michigan
(Behind Midas, off Wakea)
rheumatism), and that some new in August as a fugitive from a 2005
protections (for example, for rhinoc- Oklahoma murder warrant); Jeffrey
eroses) are still inadequate. Wayne Riebe, Myrtle Beach, S.C.
(August); Barry Wayne Kaalund,
MORE ANIMAL LOVERS Durham, N.C. (August); Joseph Wayne
In August two British couples were Keeler, Largo, Fla. (August). Captured
given sanctions by local councils after escaping while serving time for
because their loud, long sex sessions murder: Marlow Wayne Reynolds,
disturbed neighbors. Steve and Rosharon, Texas (September). Fugitive
Caroline Cartwright were issued a warrant issued: suspected murderer
noise abatement order by the Larry Wayne Brucke Jr., Lenoir, N.C.
Sunderland City Council (Caroline: “I (September).
do admit I scream and make lots of
noise”), and Kerry Norris was fined HANG TIME
by the Brighton and Hove City Daytime burglar John Pearce, 32, was
Council for violating a previous sex- arrested in Dartford, England, in August
noise order with her boyfriend Adam after getting his foot caught in a window
Hinton (a neighbor said their head- and hanging upside down for over an
board bangs against the wall until 6 hour in full view of congregating (and
a.m.). (Also in August, a neighbor of taunting) neighbors before police
a swingers’ party house in Des arrived. However, in Chester Township,
Moines, Wash., told a Seattle Times Pa., in July, scrap-metal burglar Charles
reporter that cries of ecstasy from the Ancrum, 50, beat that record, hanging
house sometimes sound “like a rac- from a window for an entire weekend,
coon dying.”) dead, after he broke his neck attempting
to climb into a residential garage. (While
AND STILL MORE ANIMAL sticking his head through a small win-
LOVERS dow, he fell off the sawhorse he was
Also, Some Animals Have Good standing on.) MTW
Sex Lives: Officers responding to a
We’re really looking forward to the end of election
season so we can get off the political stuff and offer
you videos of cats doing cartwheels and drunk guys
reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. But for now we
forge ahead with this funny/depressing entry:
Footage of a woman at a McCain rally telling the
Arizona Senator she’s afraid of Obama “because
he’s an Arab.” To his credit, McCain sets her
straight. But if you listen carefully to his response,
it’s actually damningly revealing: “No ma’am—he’s
a decent family man, a citizen.” No doubt the mil-
lions of Arab Americans who call this country home
will be interested to hear that’s McCain’s definition
of “not an Arab.”
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