new energy and rewards. For Joyce, a stable network to have a safe and secure environment for his weekend
was already in place, which made her divorce transition visits made her opt to buy instead of rent a place to
much easier. live after she and her husband separated.
“I had a strong circle of friends before I was Sara, too, made her children a priority. She quickly
married,” Joyce says, “I was able to go right back to that learned a priceless lesson.
and have a social life which [was] very helpful.” “The biggest challenge I have had to face in my
Some women are able to find stability from another divorce is having a relationship with my ex that focuses
source that was there along: a strong sense of self. Sara on our two children,” she says. “I find he has a really
Sterling of Newburgh was married for 12 years. Her hard time separating the two things—our divorce and
divorce was finalized two years ago but for months she them—whereas I don’t. It can be very frustrating at
struggled with the decision to leave until she discovered times.”
her husband buying a house behind her back when “In many ways, my ex and I will always have to be a
she was eight months pregnant. Any of her lingering part of each other’s lives because of our son,” Andrea
doubts quickly diminished. adds. “In the beginning, we talked constantly about
“It really helped me a great deal that I was very every single thing in my son’s life. As time went on, it
much in touch with who I was, as well as [with] my got less [frequent], but it’s still a great deal.”
feelings,” she says. “I was the same way throughout my
marriage. I think that is extremely important when it
Fiscal Fine-Tuning
comes to finding that sense of stability and security. It
For those used to the benefits of two incomes, the
comes from within.”
sudden loss of one can be a big wakeup call.
“I was used to having more money available when I
The Child Factor was married,” Joyce says. “But, I learned to adjust to a
The divorce equation can completely change once little new way of life, moving to a place where I could afford
people are involved. the rent and be closer to my job. In the end, it was
“I had no ties when I left,” says Joyce. “I was able to worth it, because I was happier.”
just walk away and make a clean cut.” Sara, however, never dealt with the finance barrier.
Not the case with Andrea. At the time of her She was actually the chief breadwinner, so when the
divorce, her son was just three. In many ways, he was the marriage went south, she was prepared to support both
reason she stayed in her marriage for as long as she did. herself and her children.
“If I just left, the courts would have seen that as But despite the losses, Andrea, Joyce and Sara said
abandonment and I would have lost all my rights,” they don’t regret their decision to leave partnerships
Andrea, who now shares custody of her now eight- that was no longer good for them. They say their
year-old son with her ex-husband. The need for her son divorce journeys have helped them grow and gain new
(continued on page 19)
JUmP-START Life AfTeR DiVORCe
Beginning life anew as a single person following a divorce can be less traumatic
than you think if you try:
Taking a Trip – a change of scenery can work wonders.
Phoning Home – solidify and/or nurture familial bonds.
focusing on Health – exercise outdoors and/or follow a healthy, new eating regime.
Reconnecting With Yourself – take the time to find out who you truly are and what you want.
educating Yourself – take a class for credit or simply enjoyment and growth.
Getting a makeover –treat yourself to a massage, facial, hair, makeup, or wardrobe.
Home improvement – Beautifying your residence can revitalize you as well.
Journaling – Get your thoughts and feelings down on paper.
Getting Therapy or Counseling – talk it out and receive support from an objective source.
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