Single AgAin
Life
After Divorce
by Jennifer L. Warren
what is interjected by a woman from childhood in our
W
e take those vows, thinking they will be
a lifetime commitment. The media, our
society.”
families and friends send us messages that
Joyce McCue of Cornwall says she underwent a
relationships should be ideal, problem free and happy. If
grieving process when she left her husband eight years
they aren’t, then all it takes is a little work to fix them.
ago. Intolerant of his drug addiction as well as his
But what happens when the man we envisioned
desire not to face it, Joyce was sure of her decision to
growing old with turns out to be someone we barely
close the book on her married life. Over time, she has
recognize? Often, divorce results, accompanied by
seen a definite change in her ability to cope with life as
feelings of loss, as well as stability, parenting and finance
a divorcée.
issues. Is a new life for a newly single woman possible?
“It gets a lot easier as time moves on,” says Joyce,
who was married for three years. “The first year after
Lost and Found the divorce can be up and down. At first you are in
Mental health experts often equate the pain of divorce denial, then it’s very liberating. At the same time sad
as rivaling the death of a loved one. Regardless of the and lonely, especially at the holidays, but you eventually
relationship, both involve a grieving process. move on.”
Andrea from Beacon* was married for 13 years. Five
years ago she made the decision to leave her husband. It
Broadened Horizons
took another year before she actually left and the road
When married, there is a sense of security and routine.
that followed was not always easy.
The sudden loss of those things can lead to panic and
“If you initiate everything, it will always be your
worry, often necessitating a whole new definition of
fault,” Andrea says. “It’s a constant struggle because you
self.
are always going to be the one blamed for everything.”
“Women who are dealing with divorce struggle with
“Divorce is the grieving of the death of something
the identity of being someone other than a married
you are ‘supposed’ to ‘never let die’—a death the
woman,” says Dennehy, who is also the program
woman feels directly responsible for,” says social worker
director of Step One, a certified outpatient substance
Chris Dennehy, who has been counseling individuals,
abuse program in Highland. “This includes the shame
families and couples for the last 18 years. “The guilt
of being a divorced woman, a failure.”
of letting this marriage die and the issues of no longer
But the discovery of new relationships—or even the
being a part of a partnership come from the core of
development of existing ones—can provide incredible
12 I Tri-County Woman July/August 2009
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