SLR p62 utc Jun09.qxp 29/05/2009 15:09 Page 62
under the counter
‘The World’s Stupidest
Drink drive road rage
Robbers’: parts 743 and
ram raid maniac
744
Drinking and driving, road rage and in Hampshire after staff refused to
ram raiding are three of sell him booze.
Under The Counter was astounded to hear about the two latest worthy contemporary Britain’s less The crazed driver took two
candidates for the yet-to-be-made TV series ‘The World’s Stupidest palatable pastimes – but it’s not attempts to smash the glass but on
Robbers’. every day you see them carried out his second attempt he managed to
simultaneously. take out the plate glass window, a
Moron no 1: Apparently Mark McCracken of Bellshill in Lanarkshire was So you’ll understand Under The wall and several checkouts.
arrested after robbing a Glasgow store at gunpoint – then returning to Counter’s being taken slightly aback Last we heard, he was being held
the same store to buy a can of juice just moments later because he was to hear about the drink-addled 50 on suspicion of drink driving and
thirsty. year old driver who ploughed his attempted murder.
The bungling lawbreaker admitted assault and robbery at a store in car – a nice big, expensive Rolls You really couldn’t make it up,
Alexandra Parade in Dennistoun last June. The High Court in Glasgow Royce, no less – into a Tesco store could you?
heard that when he came back he was wearing a new jacket but staff
recognised his distinctive goatee beard.
What a lot of pollacks
Moron no 2: Armed robber Shawn Thomas Lester was caught by police
after he panicked during a robbery at an off licence and used his own Under the Counter, a keen fisherman who once caught a pollack in Loch
debit card to buy a drink in Charleston, West Virginia. Long – true story – was flabbergasted to hear that Sainsbury’s has
renamed a type of fish ‘colin’ – the French word for hake – because its
customers are too embarrassed to ask for ‘pollack’.
Mahatma specs and
Presumably that’s ‘colin’, pronounced coe-lin (as in Powell) rather
than caw-lin (as in Montgomerie).
Lot of pollacks, if you ask us.
my flip flops
Whisky-making Whyte & Mackay plans to put them on display in New Surely you’re talking pants
boss Vijay Mallya has coughed up Delhi.
an amazing £1.3m for world-famous Mallya was worth about £850m You may have to bear with us on will – and actively kill bacteria,
pacifist Mahatma Gandhi’s iconic last year, though his fortune has this story, especially if you find absorb fluids, insulate the body and
wire-rimmed glasses and flip flops. taken a bit of a battering in the nothing remotely remarkable about dry quickly.
Indian tycoon Mallya bought the credit crunch. the practice of wearing your pants And the lucky gent getting to give
glasses along with some other Under The Counter doesn’t for several days at a time, but them a dry run is Koichi Wakata, the
personal items at a frantic four reckon he’s down to his last fiver scientists in Japan have developed first Japanese astronaut to live on
minute auction in New York and just yet, though. underpants that can be worn for a the International space station.
week at a time without getting As for Under The Counter, he
Are there not enough
smelly. adheres to a strict regime whereby
The odour-cambatting drawers he changes his pants rigorously,
were created at Japan Women’s once a fortnight, whether he needs
bankers already?
University – make of that what you to or not.
What next? As if there weren’t has been running in Glasgow for the
enough bankers in the world, Tesco last few years.
Stop press! Big news!
has announced that it is to open 30 The branches will offer the whole
bank branches by the end of this range of Tesco financial products – More of those unnamed scientists that seem to spend lots of time (and
year. insurance, credit cards, loans and money) establishing the bleeding obvious have discovered that....pester
The first batch will open down so on – but hope to add current power works for children in supermarkets. Hats off lads, well done.
south shortly, following a trial that accounts within a couple of years.
62 l SCOTTISH LOCAL RETAILER l JUNE 2009 WWW.55NORTH.COM
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