« deStructive patternS
CONTINUEd FROm Pg. 41
is unreliable,“ and so on and so forth. To help
you come to terms with what you truly do not
desire in a mate, I suggest you read Dan Kiley’s
book (if you can find a copy!), “The Peter Pan
Syndrome; Men Who Have Never Grown
Up.” This honest examination of the “adult
little boy” who, whether in a relationship or
in seeking a relationship, acts out a need for
mothering is truly a wake-up call.
Second, make a list of the commitments
you are ready to make and keep in order to
attract a good man. For example: I will put
a profile on three internet dating sites and
will go on a minimum of four dates a week;
I won’t keep dating a man, no matter how
charming he is, if I find out he does drugs; I
won’t be intimate with a man before he has
given me a serious commitment such as
______________________________(fill in the
blank with the level of commitment you want),
etc. This step is very important. Good men
appreciate and value a woman who can make
« Sexting commitments and values herself enough to
CONTINUEd FROm Pg. 41
her to send any more sextings and if she
keep them. For a good book on this subject,
many men uncertain of how to handle does, take away her phone and computer. If
pick up a copy of Robin Norwood’s “Women
the change. she needs a computer to do her homework,
Who Love Too Much” which explains why
And so they act as if there isn’t one. disable the internet connection. And when
there are no shortcuts when it comes to un-
But this head in the sand stance serves she does need to go online, have her do it
learning our relationship patterns.
neither fathers nor daughters well in the in front of you. I guarantee you won’t have to
Though a process, I believe with sustained
long run. The truth is, there are many more take away her rights many times before she
discipline and perseverance (I know, I know...
downsides to not setting boundaries for understands you mean business.
easier said than done!), you will discover how
your teenager than there is to enforcing the Step Three. Show your daughter you love
to love yourself first, and then be able to share
protection she needs. So don’t be afraid to her. Make a point to compliment and praise
that love with a good man who is worthy of
assert your authority! her simply for being rather than doing. Be
the unique and desirable woman you are.
Following are a few suggestions to help you present in the moment when you are with
re-connect with your daughter and give her the her, making her feel like the worthwhile
fatherly love and attention she deserves. young woman she is. You can also plan some
Step One. Become the leader: If you special outings for just the two of you, like
don’t, she will. Your daughter is spinning out a baseball game or fishing trip…or simply
of control and only through your guidance going for a walk and an ice cream cone. Show
will she learn how to anchor herself in her her she can be a significant part of a man’s
womanhood. You can either teach your life as a whole and integrated person, not just
daughter how to be a potent human being a one-dimensional sexual being.
and rationally negotiate her way through Step Four. Be a man of virtue: Be as
life or she can grow up to be someone who good as you can be, and then strive to be
seduces or intimidates people in order to get even better. Teach your daughter that men
what she wants. At thirteen, your daughter are as good as women require them to be.
needs you to be both a father and a daddy Good luck, dad and have a very happy
to her now: a father to provide for her, and a Father’s Day! uTS
daddy to show her the way to a healthy and
joyful life. This is the time to be strong and to
build solid life rails to protect her.
fléchelle Morin, Certified asr Coach, relationship & Dating to Marriage Coach & Motivational
speaker, is the author of the book, “kissing or no kissing; Whom Will you save your kisses for? a
Step Two. Set boundaries: Inform your
Dating guide to Creating your Dreams.” have a question or comment for fléchelle? E-mail her at
daughter that if she doesn’t follow your
flechelle@nokissing.com or visit nokissing.com for more information about fléchelle’s book, dating
rules, there will be consequences. Forbid
philosophy or scheduling her as a speaker at your next event. Copyrighted 2009 by fléchelle Morin
42 june l MYunDERTHESun.COM
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