10 things dating sites won't tell you
Will you click with someone you meet online? Maybe, but some services don't make the process of finding
a match any easier.
BY: MELLISA JEAN
1. 'Keep your hopes high and your expectations low'
Once considered taboo, online dating is no longer a dirty little secret. In fact, dating sites now average more than 20 million unique visitors a
month, according to comScore, an Internet data provider. With so many singles unabashedly searching for Mr. or Ms. Right online, it's taken
away the stigma that Internet dating is a sign of desperation, says Lisa Clampitt, the president of VIP Life, a New York matchmaking service.
The promise of tapping a vast dating pool has people paying $30 to $60 a month to join top sites such as Match.com and Yahoo Personals or
smaller, niche outfits like DateMyPet.com, where users upload photos of themselves with their pets. And for many, it works: About 2% of
marriages in the U.S. today are the result of an eHarmony connection, at least according to a Harris Interactive survey commissioned by
eHarmony.
But before you log on, here's a reality check: The odds aren't in your favor, social-sciences researcher Jeana Frost says.
"People respond to so many attributes that have to be experienced," she says. "You can't just find someone compatible by using a search
button."
2. 'We've yet to meet 2 people who aren't a potential match'
Amanda Swanson, 28, of Massachusetts joined eHarmony, thinking she'd meet men who shared her interests. Despite the elaborate question-
naire, she says, eHarmony tried to set her up with a daredevil type who liked skydiving. "I would never do something like that," Swanson
says. (An eHarmony spokesman says it's up to members to review and communicate with their assigned matches to determine whether the
right chemistry exists.)
Some sites such as eHarmony and Chemistry.com use complex formulas to pair up their members. But critics say it's fuzzy math. These for-
mulas are kept under wraps for competitive reasons, so outside experts aren't able to vet them. And while many people think these surveys
will help them find a match, "no one knows if they actually work," says Robert Epstein, the author of the upcoming book "Making Love: How
Couples Learn to Love and You Can Too." If you really want individualized matchmaking, experts say, then consider a personal matchmaker.
They're more expensive, with services starting around $1,000, but they know their clients well and take responsibility for any mismatches.

3. 'Everyone's lying about something'
When Sophia Price of Tallahassee, Fla., met a man through Match.com who said he was a business owner, she expected him to look the part.
She says she began to have doubts when he showed up on their date with holes in his clothes. But the bigger jolt came when a waitress rec-
ognized him and asked about his girlfriend.
Whether or not Price's date was being truthful, deception and courting have been going steady for a long time. So it's no surprise some
online suitors stretch the truth to get a date. For example, some users lie about their age to show up in more search results, which is why
there are eight times as many 29-year-old women than 30- to 34-year-old women on dating sites, according to a study by Epstein.

Talk back: Is speed dating worth the cost? 
But most lies in the online dating universe are pretty small, says Nicole Ellison, an assistant professor at Michigan State University. "People
tend to describe their ideal self rather than how they really are," she says. That accounts for adding an extra inch to your height or saying
you love to work out when you really haven't hit the gym in weeks. Bottom line: Keep an open mind, since setting your search fields too nar-
rowly can eliminate a lot of possible matches, Ellison says.
4. 'We don't have as many members as it seems'
Many pay-to-play dating sites let you create a profile and peruse other subscribers for free, with the catch being that if you want to contact
someone, you have to join.
Unfortunately, there's no way for members of a site to tell whether the profiles they're seeing belong to paid subscribers or to mere browsers
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