SEX & LIES
Sex Secrets All Men Keep
No matter how well you know your guy (or think you do), there are things he's never
going to share. Some are innocent; others...well, you might want to sit down.
LISA BURKE
When you first start dating a guy, it makes sense that he would conceal stuff he's not particu-
larly proud of—his disorderly apartment, his hairy back, his mother's daily phone calls. But by
the time you're a serious couple—maybe even living together—you probably assume you know your bedmate's every last habit,
flaw, and idiosyncrasy. Don't be so sure.
According to new research published in The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, one in 10 men are harboring a serious sexual se-
cret. "There are two kinds of secrets guys keep," says Les Parrott, author of Crazy Good Sex. "Things they wish their wives or girl-
friends would understand but are scared they won't, and things they're just plain trying to get away with."
With that in mind, we polled hundreds of men to learn what they hide at each stage in a relationship and enlisted experts to offer
their insights. We discovered there's a decent chance your man is keeping at least one dirty secret. Read on to find out what, if any-
thing, you should do about it.
When You're Dating...
What he's hiding: The number of women he's had sex with
Some men exaggerate to sound more sexually experienced; others lowball so you don't dismiss them as players. "Men know that if
they confess to a large number of partners, it sends the message that they're unlikely to commit to one. That is, to you," says David
Buss, a professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin and author of The Evolution of Desire.
What you should do Take him at his word, but protect yourself. Be vigilant about using a condom every time you have sex—at least
until you've both been tested for STDs and you feel secure that you're in a committed relationship. If you do somehow discover that
he's deceived you about his sexual history, get it out in the open, but give him a chance to explain. "He could have fibbed out of em-
barrassment, insecurity, or sincere interest in you," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to
Pleasuring a Woman.
What he's hiding: He looks at porn—maybe a lot
According to a study at Brigham Young University, 87 percent of men have looked at some form of porn in the past year, and one in
five help themselves to X-rated fare daily. Men like to look at naked chicks—no surprise there—but what is shocking is how quickly
they can become dependent on those erotic images. A powerful pleasure cocktail of endorphins and epinephrine (hormones responsi-
ble for arousal and alertness) are released while a man watches porn, Parrott says. And that feeling can become addictive.
What you should do Occasional porn isn't the problem; it only becomes a wrecking ball when it starts to intrude on your sex life
together. "The two big questions are 'Is it interfering with your life and relationship?' and 'Is he using it to avoid something?'" says
sex therapist Sandor Gardos, Ph.D. If he actively hides his material and makes excuses to avoid having sex, be concerned.
Broach the subject when you're calm and rational. "Angry accusations never go over well," Gardos says. Another tactic: Suggest
watching together. "It becomes compulsive when he feels like he has to hide it," he says. So if you're willing to share it with him,
you'll take the compulsion out of the equation. Plus, experts say, viewing erotic images together can enhance your sex life.
What he's hiding: He compares you to his last girlfriend
It's true: Your guy whips out his ex ruler and measures everything about you: your looks, your bedroom abilities, how well you get
along with his friends. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. "It's normal to make comparisons, and an ex is his most recent reference
point," says Christopher Blazina, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at Tennessee State University.
What you should do Nothing. He'll inevitably come to the conclusion that you blow away anyone else he's ever been with, and the
silent comparathon raging in his mind will cease. When you should do something: if he frequently blurts out things like "My ex al-
ways..." or "My last girlfriend never..." It's not necessarily a sign that he hasn't gotten over her, but it can still be hurtful, Blazina
says. When that happens, it's fair to tell him, for example, that you don't want him bringing up the details of their trip to Mexico.
Chances are, he's not even aware he's been doing it and will be happy to stop.
Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38