coNNect
iNterVieW By
SaNDra
SHraDer
FAMILY
BALANCE
UNDer oNe
ROOF
family counselor dr. Charles Lavorgna
offers advice for avoiding potential family
conflicts when mom, dad move in.
y
our 82-year-old father had a heart attack. Your 78-year-
old mother fell and broke her hip. It’s time—you need
to make some tough decisions about caring for your
aging parents, and you’ve decided to have them come live with
you and your family. The “Sandwich Generation,” those caught
between caring for their aging parents and young children,
experiencing is a brand new dilemma—it’s never been done before! A
recent study showed that in the U.S., the typical caretaker of elderly
includes some 20 million Americans. UTS recently spoke with
parents is female, about 46 years old and works in a full time job. Half
family counselor Dr. Charles LaVorgna of Temecula about how
of that group also has children under the age of 18. So one way to put
the family members of “The Greatest Generation,” the Boomer
guilty feelings in perspective is to consWidieTrh th aanit trMyal ingf trio bEends and do [it]
generation and the Facebook generation can all live together
all …may be based on faulty beliefs an
of Th
d an im
E
p
vall
ossib
E
le
ys
situation. And,
peacefully under the same roof. there were no previous generations to show you the way!
ADVANCE TALKS MAKE A DATE
The key, if there’s enough time to do it, is for adult children to start The demands of taking care of an aging parent can be difficult on a
planning and talking as naturally as possible to aging parents before marriage. Routinely schedule time alone, so that your elderly parent
they become unable to care for themselves. A natural catalyst for doing knows to expect it. Having a dinner date out, or even just going into
that is by including discussions in your casual conversations about the bedroom and shutting the door for private time, is important.
other elderly friends who are having medical setbacks and asking
your aging parents what they might want to do in a similar situation,
BRIDGING THE GAP
including where and with whom they might want to live.
Your teenagers will probably grumble about it, but ask them to
spend some personal time nearly every day with their elderly
FAMILY BUSINESS grandparent. It can just be a half-hour a day, watching Jeopardy
Treating family meetings about dividing care-taking responsibilities on TV with grandma or listening to the same old stories about
like business meetings can be effective, especially if the adult siblings grandpa’s younger days. As your kids grow older, they will [look
can work out who does what; who can come in and provide a respite back on] those times affectionately.
for the primary caretaker; whether the primary caretaker should be
paid (if possible) and how much, who will handle the parents’ finances,
etc. Try to include the elderly parent in the meetings, too.
charles lavorgna, Ph.d. is a licensed marrige &
family therapist and educational psychologist with
GUILT IN PERSPECTIVE
more than 30 years of counseling experience.
This generation of women who are mothers while working full-time
his practice family counseling services is
and being the caretakers for their elderly and sick parents may feel
located in Temecula. for more information, email
drlavorgna@gmail.com or call 951.303.0123.
guilty about not having enough time for everyone, but what they are
MyUNDERTHESUN.COM l May 39
Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40  |  Page 41  |  Page 42  |  Page 43  |  Page 44  |  Page 45  |  Page 46  |  Page 47  |  Page 48  |  Page 49  |  Page 50  |  Page 51  |  Page 52