ex
clusive featur
Following HMS
e
Somerset
part three
By CPO (WS) (AWW) ‘Mac’ McCulloch ©
F
rom the feedback that I’ve been getting for lunch or if you are lucky it has been smashed use West Country, which is 2 sevens at night and
recently, I’m pleased to hear that you are with the blander and turned into a soup like stuff. 2 fives through the day. I’d rather eat my own
all enjoying my ongoing submission to taxi talk The forenoon watch starts at 08:00 and runs feet than do the West Country routine but it does
magazine: ‘Following HMS Somerset’. So listen
until midday. Turn to is from 08:00 until 16:00;
work quite well in hotter climates. We had to go
up! You should all be able to keep up with the
unless it’s a Saturday then it’s only until 12:00.
through Suez in Defence watches. The highest
Jackspeak by now, is that understood? Indeed,
Sundays are easy because with call the hands
state of readiness is Action Stations, which
you people have no idea how difficult it is for me
at 8 then turn to is at 9 and secure at ten. Are
means that one hundred percent of the ships
to write in proper English, (no it’s not because
you still with me ladies and gentlemen? Good,
company are at their war station. This cannot
I’m a Scotsman either!) So I’m going to let the
because Saturdays and Sundays can happen
be manned for periods of over eight hours. In
cat out of the bag (when a secret was given
on any day of the week and can be switched
case you’re thinking that we are institutionalised
away then the Cat ‘o’ Nine tails was let out of
so you have the Sunday first. Saturdays can
then here’s the proof, Friday lunch is fish and
its protective leather bag for the punishment).
also be reversed so that ‘turn to’ is at 13 double
chips with curry sauce and mushy peas. Sunday
Speaking of cat ‘o’ nine tails, they were up
bubble with secure at 16:00. Lunchtime is from
lunch is roast dinner, which is the only lunchtime
to 12 feet long and so you really did need
12:00 until 13:30 unless you are alongside
meal that you get a duff. Tuesday night is
‘enough room to swing a cat’. To add insult to
when it is at 13:15. You may have already
guessed that the object of this month’s dit is to Italian, Wednesday is curry night and the best is
injury, when you were punished you would be
show you how much one of the kids has got to Saturday night, which is steak night. In the black
whipped by your oppo. Before the flogging you
learn. The afternoon watch is from 12:00 until
would say: ‘you scratch my back and I’ll scratch
and white days the rim of your wooden plate
16:00 so you have to get your lunch at 11:30.
yours’ when you get caught. The classic
was called a fiddle and if you were friends with
The afternoon is followed by the dogs which are
misinterpretation is ‘up the creek’. It has nothing
the chef he would give you extra, which would
2 two-hour watches and this gives 7 watches
to do with paddles or anything else for that
mean that you were ‘On The Fiddle’. The word
in the day so that they have to roll through to
matter. In the days of ‘press gangs’, ships that
scran itself is old naval terminology for the fillers
the next day so you don’t keep doing the same
went into a British port would loose their crew so
watch. 8pm is the start of the Geoff Hurst (ok,
that would be used, Sultanas, Currants, Raisins,
they didn’t go alongside. If you were onboard at
I’ll help with these) The First, which runs until
Almonds and Nuts. Nowadays, it would be called
the time and fell seriously ill whilst at anchor off
midnight which is the start of the ‘hey diddle’
mushrooms… ugh. My favourite meal is Cheesey
Portsmouth or Plymouth then you were rowed
(middle). The middle leads seamlessly into the
Wham Bams, which are also known as Cheesey
to either of the two new hospitals of Haslar in
morning, which runs through to 08:00. Lunch
Hammy Eggies. Anyone that has had one will
Gosport or Stonehouse in Plymouth. Both of is from 12:00 till 12:30 with dinner being from understand why morale goes up when they are
which are served by a local creek, hence if you 19:00 until 20:15 unless we’re alongside then it on the menu. I’m not keen on babies heads, or
were dying you were ‘up the creek’. The building is from 17:30 until 18:15. crap on a raft.
of Haslar Hospital was delayed until 1753
because the builders were being press-ganged
If you were to walk around our ship you would
into the navy.
“Know
meet people like Ruth Ellis, Joey Barton, Bill
Haley, Joe Jordan, Clive Dunn, Shirley Temple,
To get to Singapore and back we will have
Jack Spratt, the list is almost endless of nick
around twenty time zone changes. This
obviously cannot be done all at once and is Gunnery,
names but there are a few that are sailors own.
Tug Wilson comes from the first Captain to be
done in stages. When the clocks go forward we
do it at 17 dubs, this allows for a shorter turn to
and allows us to have scran early, which isn’t
Know Life,
tugged into a jetty. Watsons used to make soap
for the navy hence Soapy Watson. I sailed with
a lad a few years ago called Algar and it took
a bad thing. When they go back it’s done at
midnight so we get an extra night in our carts
No Gunnery,
me a while to work out why he was called Traf,
except for the watch keepers who dip out. Call
but my favourite is a lad called Muff whose
the hands is the whistle blast that gets you out
nickname is hairy.
of your scratcher and is generally at O’7 Buffalo
No Life”
unless it’s a Sunday when it’s at 08:00. Lazy
For obvious reasons I can’t discuss our location
Sundays don’t have one at all but these are
or specific tasking but what I can say is that we
as rare as the old man wearing ovies. Call
are off of the Horn of Africa conducting counter
the hands is where the term slack hammocks
That’s cruising watches, for when we are and Anti-Piracy Operations. We are in an area
comes from, back in the black and white days
transiting from A to B, but if we have to increase not to far from the recent incident involving the
you had to tie your hammock with a slip knot so
the fighting ability of the ship then we go to fifty
Americans patrolling our patch of sea. I’ll fill in
that the Joss could undo it with one pull (at the
percent manning which means that we go into
more on these operations next month maybe…
head end). Breakfast starts then until 07:45,
defence watches. Straight sixes is the preferred
if nothing changes too much.
don’t worry if you miss it because the chances
option to most people with the ‘watch change’
are you’ll see it again in the form of train smash
taking place at either 7 or 1. There are some that
Copyright CPO Gary ‘Mac’ McCulloch 2009 .
38 39
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