At the chalkface Tackling the problem


ONE MUST beware of lapsing into Fattism but, my goodness, aren’t there a lot of Billy and Bessie Bunters about? They totter about playground and pavement, grazing on ketchup and chips and Cardiac Crisps and fizzy potions, all flogged like billyho in the Academies of Gove. By Bunter, this must be a form of child abuse. It can make you daft with anger. Well, help could


be at hand. Jamie Oliver? Of course. But also Steven Gerrard, football legend and Honorary Fellow of Liverpool University. He’s teamed up with Professor Terence Stephenson, president of the Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health. Cooking, they say, must be made compulsory in all schools – and not downgraded. Gerrard is “particularly concerned with poor diet, nutrition and lack of physical activity in young people” and wants to “tackle” the problem. Literally? Rather. I’d take Stevie G to beat Noddy G in any Westminster consultation, but would prefer a more level playing field. Like Anfield. Just imagine... A freezing


night. A knockout tie. The Obesity Decider. Liverpool v the Oxbridge and Bullingdon Academicals. Red v Blue. It’s 189-0 at half- time. The offensive coalition of Cleggsta, Bozza, Ozza and Dazza is getting nowhere against Carra and Agger. A goal kick lands on the Noddy – on the very right


wing – and renders him more than usually dizzy. He finally gets control and dithers about with flapping shorts over spindle shanks and knobbly knees. “Man on!” Nod dithers on.


A man without vision. No sense of team or community. Stevie G charges towards him to tackle the problem that is Nod. You don’t want to look! Yes you do! Nod still faffs uselessly about. Stevie G gets closer. Wallop! He takes ball – and Little Nod – out. Nod goes belly up, does a flip-flop, a U-turn and much rolling about – much like that


Tevez fellow after our man


Barton’s ghost tackle. Get up Nod! Stop faking


it! Man up! He then gives the ref some verbal, the usual deft sophistry, and is given a red for lying, cheating,


spinning, wittering and treating teachers with contempt and


bringing the game into disrepute and state schools into ruin –


and is banned for the entire first term. Off! Off! Stevie hits 30-yard screamer. 200-0. Result! Action. Obesity sorted. Job done. Wouldn’t it be good if we could resolve educational problems in this fabulously mature way? Private schools, large classes,


league tables – and that Sir Michael “Pressure, What Pressure!” Wilshaw. I’d set our Philosopher Twitter King Joey Barton on him. Anger can make you quite daft.


• Ian Whitwham – a QPR fan – is a former teacher at an inner city comprehensive school.


News


Cellist Laura is Young Musician of the Year at 15


by Emma Lee-Potter


A talented teenage cellist from a West Sussex school has been named as the BBC Young Musician 2012. Laura van der Heijden, a


15-year-old pupil at Sackville School in East Grinstead, proved she is the best young musician in the country with her performance of Sir William Walton’s Cello Concerto. After months of qualifying


rounds, Laura was the youngest of the three young musicians who made it to the final of the prestigious competition, held earlier this month at The Sage in Gateshead and broadcast on BBC 2 and BBC Radio 3. Laura, who won a £2,000 prize


and a specially designed trophy, started her musical career with the recorder at the age of four. She then took up the piano and


began playing the cello at the age of six. Her first public performance was as a nine-year-old with the Jupiter Chamber Orchestra. Laura, who joined Sackville


School in year 7, passed her grade 8 piano and cello exams at the age of 10, both with distinction. She joined the junior department of the Royal College of Music in


2005, aged eight, and for the last four years has been a student of the London-based Russian cellist Leonid Gorokhov. Sackville headteacher Maggie


Robson, who attended the final, said the whole school was thrilled at Laura’s success. “Laura is an exceptional


young woman – musically gifted, beautiful, confident and articulate, yet down to earth and very modest,” said Ms Robson. “She has worked incredibly hard, dedicating hours every day to her music and she fully deserves the title of BBC Young Musician of the Year. “She has amazing presence on


stage. She engages with the audience and her lovely personality shines through when she is performing. She wanted to ‘sell’ Walton to the public when she performed in the final and she certainly did that. To say we are all proud of her would be an understatement.” To view the BBC’s coverage


of the competition, visit www.bbc. co.uk/programmes/b00bb3wt and you can visit Laura’s website at www.lauravanderheijden.org


Talented: Laura performing during the grand finals of the BBC Young Musician of the Year 2012


FINAL THE 16


VOTE FOR YOUR FAVOURITE BIG VOICE FILM


Thirty-six films made by young people throughout UK schools and colleges are being showcased online as part of BT’s Big Voice competition - part of its Education Programme supporting the London 2012 Olympic and Paralympic Games.


The ideas for the films, covering issues like eating disorders, disabilities, homophobia, teenage pregnancy, bullying, drink driving and litter as seen from a young person’s perspective came from youngsters, aged between 11 and 19.


The 36 films were chosen from more than 100 submissions from across the UK. They each received a £1,000 grant from BT to produce their film and were partnered with film students at local universities and colleges who took the lead on the film production.


A ‘People’s Choice’ winner will be awarded and you can go online and vote for your favourite film at


www.bt.com/bigvoice


SecEd • May 24 2012


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