The Power of Positive Confrontation, offers what she calls the WAC ap- proach for dealing with most cases of work and family conflict. W: Ask yourself: What is really bothering me? “A lot of times, people don’t do this. They just say, ‘This per- son is a jerk,’ rather than specifying the problem.” A: Ask them for a solution. “We often complain, but we don’t identify a solution,” she says. “Determine what is going to solve the problem for you and ask for it.” C: Check in. “Turn it over to the other person and ask for their re- sponse. Inquire: ‘Is this possible? What do you think?’” All the while, stay curious about the other person’s perspective, suggests Harper. “We tend to see ourselves as the innocent victim, or we go into hero mode and tend to see the other person as the villain,” he says. “Of course, the other person is doing the same thing, and that makes collaboration tough.” Instead, ask sincere questions—and really listen.


Agree to Disagree Terrie McCants, coordinator of the conflict resolution program at Kansas State University, notes that in some cases, especially when deeply held values such as politics or faith are involved, resolving conflict isn’t neces- sarily about reaching an agreement. “You cannot negotiate people’s val- ues. Sometimes, these are things that people are willing to lie down and die for,” she says. “Instead, sometimes you might need to agree to disagree.” In the end, whether the conflict is a minor disagreement at home, a workplace quarrel or a complicated political dispute, the process of prop- erly working through it can leave both parties feeling stronger and improve their communities. “Conflict forces you to problem-solve collaboratively and come up with options and elegant so- lutions,” she explains. “If handled well, it can add brilliant things to your life.”


Lisa Shumate is a freelance writer in Boulder, CO.


Personal Balance Equals Family Balance


by Dave Lesinsky


I


f we’re not careful, the stresses of life could be like carrying a heavy bag of groceries from the car to the kitchen. You’re so focused on getting the bag to its destination without ripping it open that you don’t fully notice the beautiful


flowers growing in the garden, the bright blue sky, or the family member request- ing your attention. Your singular focus on carrying this weight grasps too much of your attention,


preventing you from being fully present and available to the needs of the people you love most. Of course, you shouldn’t forget that the key to being a loving and supportive family member or friend is by first taking care of yourself. Start by first attending to how you’re doing, truly noticing how you’re feeling


physically and emotionally. Do you feel healthy and balanced? If you’re feeling “off-balance,” take the time needed to address the imbalance. This can be done in many different ways.


Sometimes finding balance can be very simple: take a calm walk in nature,


schedule time to meditate, have fresh flowers around, or enjoy a bath with your favorite essential oils. You may feel better just from sitting for 10 minutes while sipping tea and listening to your favorite music. If this isn’t enough, splurge on a massage, relaxing yoga class, holistic medi- cine consult, or any other style of personal care you enjoy. We’re lucky to live at a time when so many effective holistic practices are available for balancing and healing. Time for yourself is crucial if you want to stay healthy, present and fully avail-


able to your family and friends. Never forget this core principal: When taking the time you need to stay balanced and healthy, your family is strongly impacted for the better. It makes sense…they’re getting the most vibrant and healthy you!


Dave Lesinski (M.A.Ed., RYT-200, AHSP) is the owner of Yoga Blend Seven in Encinitas. Learn more about his practice and the many services offered by visiting YogaBlendSeven.com or calling 760-533-9713. See Community Resource Guide listing on page 43.


natural awakenings February 2012 31


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