It’s been a good year as both our sons have married happily, but I can’t help thinking that this Christmas we won’t all be together as a family. I’m assuming my daughters-in-law will want to spend time with their own families and, of course, our sons will want to be with their wives. My husband seems to have totally accepted that life has moved on but I find I can’t help thinking about all the happy family Christmases we have had that will simply never happen again, and I’m finding it hard not to cry all the time. Elizabeth
Denise says: I think you’re suffering from depression
and that horrible feeling that something has gone forever. You’re wrong, of course, and I’ll get to that in a moment. But first you really must see your doctor and get help with your depression. Two weddings in one year is a huge amount of emotional outlay and I believe you’re now paying the price. The doctor can help and soon you’ll feel better able to sort out this new stage of life. Christmas
that will simply never happen again
I think about Christmases
all the happy
hasn’t been mentioned yet so how do you know they won’t be with you? Most couples do turn and turn about – one set of parents this year, the other the next. And if it’s not your turn, plan for Boxing Day or New Year’s Day instead. In time, you’ll probably have grandchildren on Christmas
Day or you’ll be invited to your sons’ homes for the festivities. Yes, things are going to change, but not for the worse. Your family is not gone, it’s growing.
You can send your problems to Denise at the address given on page 159 or email denise@candis.co.uk. We promise to pass on all your correspondence but regret that Denise cannot answer every letter she receives.
y our problems
“My daughter doesn’t want to move home”
In the New Year we’re going to move to another city as my husband has been promoted within his company. It’s less than 100 miles away and so won’t be a big upheaval, but my nine-year-old daughter is very cut up about it. She sees losing her friends as the end of the world and her eyes fill with tears when I try to talk about a new school. She says she can’t sleep anywhere other than her own bedroom and seems to think we are making this move in order to ruin her life. Sophie
Denise says: Firstly, you need to appreciate that to your
daughter this is the end of the world. New neighbourhood, new school, new friends… or, as she imagines, no friends. In time she will be happy, so how do you manage the transition? Make sure she has access to her current friends via phone, internet and letters. Arrange for a friend to visit after a few weeks or take her back for a weekend. Take her to see her new school and she may see its possibilities. Don’t throw out any of her things – she needs to cling to every bit of her present existence. Above all, assure her that she is loved and acknowledge her distress.