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Time to let them go
I was very interested in the debate Has cotton wool parenting gone too far? (October) because I wanted to find out what other parents felt about children being overprotected and whether we’re worrying more as a result of a society where scare stories are spread very easily. My son may be smart enough to be out by himself, and he’s aware of ‘stranger danger’, but I still have difficulty letting go. After reading the debate, I think I need to trust my son more – he is intelligent, streetwise and has a good moral code. I don’t want to wrap him up in cotton wool and deny him the freedom and fun I had when I was a child. Thank you for this very thought-provoking article. Dannielle Truby, Barnet
candis debate
Has cotton wool parenting gone too far?
This month, three readers discuss whether children are being overprotected or if parents need to worry more because of the modern world we live in...
What kind of parenting style did you adopt when raising your own children? Pam: “My husband and I were quite liberal with our children. The only thing we were strict over was the programmes they watched on TV. We tried to teach them wrong from right, but also let them make their own judgements on things.” Sharon: “I have a middle-ground approach with my twins where I give them some structure, but also some nurture as I don’t think it’s healthy to be one extreme or the other.” Susan: “There are certain things I’m very strict about, for example how much time my children spend on the computer. In other respects, I want them to make friends so encourage them to play out. I also want them to take responsibility for their actions, so if they haven’t done their homework I won’t write a note to make an excuse for them.” Do you think some parents are overprotecting their children? Pam: “I think some parents are, but I think it’s Government legislation
that’s making everyone paranoid. It’s right to do background checks on people like nursery workers who are coming into contact with your kids, but now there’s talk that even relatives or friends will have to be checked out. If we start acting like
that how will our children ever learn about the importance of trust?” Susan: “Yes, some parents are overprotective. My daughter’s 15 and I let her walk home from school or get the bus alone whereas my friend’s daughter is a similar age and isn’t allowed out
by herself. It’s hard when you start letting your children do things without you, but it’s important to give them some independence when they’re ready, otherwise they’ll grow up unprepared for the real world.” Sharon: “There will always be examples of parents who overprotect their children and those who don’t. I think those who are overprotective act like that for a reason – perhaps they have come from an abusive home themselves or maybe they live in an area with higher crime rates and therefore their children are more at risk.” Are some parents doing the opposite and not giving their children enough guidance? Susan: “Yes. I know someone who thinks her son shouldn’t be disciplined because he
must find his own way, but without
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Super size
I really like the fact your fashion pages are actually useful. So many other magazines are so unrealistic. It’s a waste of time using young and extremely thin models in a magazine aimed at women in their 40s, as anything that looks good on them won’t look good on me. I’m not ashamed of my size 18-20 figure and love the fact you include clothes that go up to 22 – although other readers might agree with me that us plus-size ladies often have to order those sizes online or to collect in-store later. I’ve only just discovered Candis, so will definitely be getting you again! Moira Ogun, Edinburgh
Celebrating stews
SUSAN KINNEAR, 39 Believes children are growing up ill prepared for the real world. A senior university lecturer from Chester, Susan is married with three children.
SHARON MCCORMICK, 39 A counsellor from Burntwood, Sharon is married with 8- year-old twins. She doesn’t think very protective parenting has negative effects.
any guidance he just goes and does whatever he wants. In fact he’s become quite a nasty bully who picks on other children in his school, but who will tell him that’s wrong?” Pam: “I think there are some parents who are incapable of giving any guidance to their own children because they don’t understand what doing that means.” Sharon: “But that doesn’t always mean their children will end up as unruly adults. I have friends who were raised with little structure in their lives and they have ended up being very successful and happy adults because they had the freedom to develop themselves as children. But on the other hand, if someone’s not being guided it can become a
PAM TAYLOR, 53 Has two children and grandchildren. A writer, she lives in St Helens with her husband. She says the Government is making parents overcautious.
not allowed to sleep over at a friend’s house*
15 and under are children aged quarter of One
breeding ground for disaster, so I think it can work both ways.” Why do you think parenting styles have changed from when you grew up? Pam: “I think it’s partly because the world has changed and partly because we’re more informed of potential dangers through the media. When I was growing up there were the ‘latchkey
kids’ and children
played out all day without their parents
worrying because we rarely
heard about bad things happening. Now we’re constantly reading about kids getting involved in drugs and gangs, or being groomed on the internet. There are also more cars on the roads, so the world seems full of danger. But you can’t keep
The Pots of goodness recipes in October’s issue brought back happy memories of the hearty casseroles and stews my mum used to make in the coldest months of the year. I can remember coming home from school to the delicious smell of a casserole that had been in the oven for hours. I tend to cook the same meals during the week – stir fry one night, curry another, spag bol another – but I was inspired to get my casserole dish out and try some of the recipes. It was a revelation! The chicken casserole was a hit and the bacon and split pea hotpot is now a Saturday night favourite. They’re such simple recipes, taste great and you can make them up ahead of time and then just relax. Keep up the good work finding us working mums fab family recipes! Alice Drewery, Farnborough