’s etiquette expert may be strict, but she’s always right
Dear Auntie Joan, What is the correct type of gift to give your host when you are invited for dinner? I hate buying wine, as I don’t drink. I did once take a bottle of whisky as I knew the host was partial to it, but then got told off by another guest for ‘going over the top’. I noticed they had brought chocolates, but surely that’s a bit cheap? Caroline
It was certainly cheap of the other guest to criticise your gift. A dinner party is no place for playing ‘mine is bigger than yours’. If you know the host loves wine, ring in advance, and ask if you can bring a bottle to complement one of the courses. When you know what’s being served, you can ask for recommendations in a wine shop. Chocolates can be a lovely gift as long as they are not in a big tin with a special off er sticker on the side.
Dear Auntie Joan, We are new to the area and next month I am throwing a party at home for my daughter’s fi fth birthday. One of the mothers I met in the playground, who is quite frankly terrifying, has told me that the ‘rule’ is to invite every girl in the class so none of the children feel left out. I am worried enough about entertaining 18 girls in our house, but the same mother told me my daughter’s ‘social success’ depends on a goody- bag worth at least £10. I can’t aff ord £180. Should I just cancel the party? Sophie
No, just cancel your friendship with this mother. There’s one like her at every school and I’ll bet she made a bee-line for you
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Dear Auntie Joan, One of my girlfriends is single and one of my husband’s friends is also on his own. They have both made no secret of the fact they would rather be with someone. I’m having a dinner party soon and have decided to invite them as I think they might hit it off . I was going to sit them opposite each other, but my husband says this is too obvious and I should sit them at opposite ends of the table. He insists that if our single male friend is interested, he’ll make an eff ort to talk to our single girlfriend. Is there a correct way to seat them? Sandy
The correct form, if they are the only single people at the table, would be to sit them next to each other and hope they get on. Your husband greatly overestimates most men’s ability to let women they like the look of know they are interested. Subtlety isn’t the way to go here…they could well go the whole evening without making conversation if you seat them too far apart. Introduce them with a bit of extra information such as: ‘I believe you went to Antibes last year, Harry. Samantha is going later this month.’ Then leave them to it and start thinking about hats for the wedding.
because no-one else wants to talk to her. She’s worried that her own daughter wouldn’t be invited, hence the ‘rule’. If you can manage all 18 girls, then go ahead and invite them as it will be a great way of meeting your daughter’s new class. Ask their parents to stay on for drinks and nibbles at pick-up time so you get to know them better too. Don’t worry about the party bags. My tip would be to give each child a pretty plant in a bright pot and a little brush and contrasting pot of paint so she can decorate it herself. It’ll cost a couple of pounds per child. If your bossy friend mentions them, you can smile sweetly and say: ‘The plants are my answer to nasty old bags.’
Dear Auntie Joan, We eat out with my husband’s family often. His brother is so tight with money it drives us to despair, but we don’t know how to raise it without falling out with him. He’ll often pop to the loo when the bill arrives and jump out of cabs without paying. The maddening thing is, he’s well off and is forever telling us how well his business is doing, while the recession has hit my husband and I really hard. Should we just stop going out with him? Mel
That would be a shame. I suggest you pick your moment
Do you have a foodie etiquette dilemma? Email your questions to
surreyeditor@grubmagazine.co.uk putting ‘Auntie Joan’ in the subject box.
Ask Auntie Joan...
and ask your brother-in-law how he’s ‘coping’. When he asks what you mean, you can say that you presumed he couldn’t aff ord to contribute to bills or cabs because his business was in trouble. As soon as he denies it, insist that it’s fi ne, you’ll pay his share next time you go out for a meal. Be as patronising as possible and cast lots of knowing looks. He’ll hate the thought of your sympathy…and cough up smartly. This is an old trick, but it works very time.
JULY 2011 33
ILLUSTRATION: Dyna Moe PICTURE: Shutterstock
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