the Canary and The Bat, as scheming relatives attending a will reading at a stately manor are bumped off one-by-one each time the lights go out. Inhabiting the house’s many secret pas- sages are not one but two hooded criminal mas- terminds, a crazy relative who breaks out of her locked room in the attic (Susan McConnell), a gorilla (played by Bob Burns, ’natch) and a clock that strikes thir- teen. While Dark and
Dorian Gray: Portrait of a serial killer.
an acceptable performance that requires him to begin as a wide-eyed youth whose unchanging appearance will later mask the actions of an evil, self-gratifying monster. But it is Firth who really shines as the cynical, contemptuous aris- tocrat who holds dangerous sway over the im- pressionable Dorian and sets him on the irreversible road to corruption. A far cry from the subtle implicitness of pre-
vious versions, director Oliver Parker’s film de- picts Dorian’s hedonistic lifestyle in explicit detail – accentuating his numerous carnal es- capades and drug-addled excesses with ample nudity and sex. The film doesn’t shy away from exploring the homoerotic elements in Wilde’s story either, with Dorian offering himself at one point to Basil Hallward (Ben Chaplin), the artist who painted his portrait. The movie’s murder and death scenes, although sparse, are fairly gory – one poor character, for example, is sliced up with a shard from a broken mirror, dismem- bered and housed in a suitcase. While relatively faithful to Wilde’s work, this
slickly produced British offering does make a few alterations, which may upset purists: namely, advancing some of the story to the early 20th century and introducing a daughter for Lord Henry. Though far from a perfect adapta- tion of Wilde’s classic (the 1945 version main-
tains that honour), this envisioning boasts suf- ficient entertainment value to make it worth a view.
JAMES BURRELL CUT THE CRAPULENCE!
DARK AND STORMY NIGHT Starring Jim Beaver, Jennifer Blaire and Larry Blamire
Written and directed by Larry Blamire
THE LOST SKELETON RETURNS AGAIN Starring Fay Masterson, Frank Dietz and Brian Howe
Written and directed by Larry Blamire Shout! Factory
Enthusiastic director Larry
Blamire delighted many classic B- movie buffs with his 2001 parody The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra. Now, he’s back with Dark and Stormy Night and The Lost Skeleton Re- turns Again, two efforts that ladle on thick helpings of musty genre clichés but maintain a broadly hu- morous approach that will appeal to less cinema-savvy viewers. Dark and Stormy Night is the
more enjoyable entry, a satire of Old Dark House mysteries such as The Cat and
Stormy Night milks every hackneyed horror archetype, Blamire’s sequel to The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra ran- sacks everything from jungle pic- tures to dinosaur fantasy romps as all-American he- roes, enemy agents and aliens race to find a rare South American rock – while being be- sieged by native tribes and monsters! And, of course, the sass-mouthed telepathic skull is back, still looking for the rest of his skeletal re- mains. While Blamire’s films easily outpace similar
indie fare, I still have a bone to pick with Dark and Stormy Night and The Lost Skeleton Re- turns Again. Both films feel unashamedly bloated – from the runtimes (93 mins. and 91 mins., respectively) to the needlessly convoluted plots and even the ridicu- lous number of lead roles (about twelve apiece, each meant to satirize different stock characters). Worse, the actors endlessly mug for the camera like com- munity theatre veterans, even spoiling running jokes with their overenthu- siastic delivery. Though Blamire’s films
are otherwise pretty faith- ful to their inspirations, right down to awkward dialogue
and potted fern “forests,” the poverty row’s
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