EAT. PREY. LOVE.
PIRANHA 3D Starring Steven R. McQueen, Elisabeth Shue
and Jerry O’Connell Directed by Alexandre Aja Written by Pete Goldfinger and Josh Stolberg Dimension
A lot of stuff gets chewed up in Piranha 3D –
skin, muscle, eyes, a penis, even Richard god- damn Dreyfuss! – but mainly any pretense that this movie should be taken too seriously. The plot for Alexandre Aja’s version may be different from Joe Dante’s (Roger Corman- produced) 1978 original, but Piranha 2010 sticks to the for- mula that made the original so much fun: blood, babes and boating mishaps. At the centre of the action is
Jake Forester (Steven R. Mc- Queen, Steve McQueen’s grandson), a gawky teen living on Victoria Lake, the spring break party destination for tens of thousands of hormonal, keg-sucking shit- heads. His mom, Julie (Elisabeth Shue), is the
local sheriff, who, along with her deputies (in- cluding one played by Ving Rhames) has to deal with not only the annual influx of partiers, but also a tremor that has cracked open the bottom of the lake, connecting it to a subterranean lake below that’s teeming with ravenous prehistoric piranha (in a nod to Jaws, Dreyfuss cameos as the first casualty). We learn this from both Mr. Goodman (a gleefully over-the-top Christopher Lloyd) and some ill-fated scientists exploring the underwater rift. As the piranha start preying on the humans, Jake shirks his babysitting duties to act as a guide on a Girls Gone Wild-style boat trip, headed up by lothario Derrick Jones (Jerry O’Connell at his most hilariously dickish). Mondo mammary-enhanced may- hem ensues. Or rather, it dominates.
Screenwriters Pete Goldfin- ger and Josh Stolberg fully understand that their script is a delivery system for gore gags and softcore nudity, so they roll with the joke. The campy tone allows Aja and
his effects team (the mighty KNB) to go for broke in the gore department, with a flood of fake
blood, all manner of torn latex torsos and evis- cerated limbs, plus some unexpected trauma in- volving boat motors that’ll have you howling. Aja lets us in on the joke, and it’s a great one,
right down to the post-kill implants floating in the lake like jellyfish. Who cares if we’re told that the fish have survived millions of years through cannibalism(!?), that Shue can emerge from a lake with a dry shirt, that Derrick’s cam- eraman simply disappears from the movie (ap- parently there was no budget for his death scene!), or even that the 3-D is inconsistent. The technology may be new, but Piranha 3D
is done in the spirit of a ’70s Corman film. The biggest blast of summer 2010 knows just where to sink its teeth.
DAVE ALEXANDER RE-POSSESSED
NIGHT OF THE DEMONS Starring Shannon Elizabeth, Edward Furlong
and Monica Keena Directed by Adam Gierasch Written by Adam Gierasch and Jace Anderson E1
It wasn’t entirely unexpected when this Night
of the Demons remake was announced. Virtually every notable horror property from the ’80s seems to have been scooped up by producers
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