marriage and simultaneously affirms the benefits of remaining single, I merely want to suggest that perhaps resolution to the debate about what to do with singles in the church is far simpler than we have tried to make it.

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Instead of adopting a “singled-out” approach to reaching singles, strive to integrate us into the local church. Yes, there are seasons when it’s appropriate to offer discipleship and social oppor- tunities for specific singles groups like college-age students and young profes- sionals. There are even seasons of life when a support group is appropriate for the newly divorced or grieving. But after a while, integration makes far more sense than does segrega- tion. Can you imagine a senior adult group that excludes all those who’ve lost a spouse? What about a mothers group that bars single moms? Is it effective to offer a Sunday school class for the middle-aged that leaves out 50-year-old singles? Our comprehension of God’s view of relationship offers, I believe, resolution of the great debate. After all, He created us for relationship—first with Him, then with others. Jesus summed up the God-centered life and, subsequently, the God-centered church: Love God; love others (Mark 12:28-31). God dramatically illustrated His love for us with His Son’s life (1 John

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4:9-10). Then John offered an impassioned declaration: “Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other” (v. 11 NLT).

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Deep down, all of us, regardless of our marital status, want to feel loved, to belong to a Christian community. With the num- bers for singles apparently growing faster than the numbers for those who are mar- ried, now is the time to bridge the relation- al gap between our cultures. As in all life, time has a way of leveling the playing field, even in the church, and maturing results in shared life experiences. Like our married counterparts, single adults have taken risks and failed, but we have also risked and been rewarded. We have entered into relationships and experienced rejection, but betrayal has also taught us about reconciliation and restoration. And married or single, we all face both the delights and dilemmas of aging.

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The psalmist declared, “A father of the fatherless, a defender of wid- ows, is God in His holy habitation. God sets the solitary in families” (Psalm 68:5-6 NKJV). While God uses married adults to provide a family unit for single adults for the occasional Sunday dinner or holiday gathering or even for a place of recuperation—and those times are important—He also wants to set singles into the

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entire church family of believers who laugh and cry together, who worship as one body, who show up in a crisis because we are part of one another. “If one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it” (1 Cor- inthians 12:26 NKJV).

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Singles who are not plugged in as I have been, who do not have a sense of connectedness, easily slip away after they reach a certain age. We become disenchanted and isolate ourselves from “all things church.” If you don’t assimilate us, many will fall by the wayside unno- ticed. Again, it’s not necessary that you establish all sorts of special events or classes “just for singles.” Rather, minimize the tendency to make us feel like a fifth wheel, and remember that being single is not a character flaw.

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Invest time in getting to know us. Quite often the only difference between the dreams and desires, the wants and needs, of both cultures is a ring on a fin- ger. Provide for us examples of good mar- riages, for too often our married friends give us nothing we want to emulate. Dispel the myths that we’re after your spouses, that we’re gay or lesbian after we pass a certain age, that we’re all needy and irresponsible, that we have fewer problems than most, that we’re all poor or, on the other hand, that we have excessive dispos- able incomes. And don’t presuppose we want or need a matchmaker.

Most of all, remember that singles are people just like you. “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are—singles and married alike!” (1 John 3:1, paraphrased).

Nancy Neal is a never-married, well-educated, professional woman who owns a home, buys groceries, mows the lawn, takes out the garbage, and pays the

bills. She is vice president of communications for the Cleveland/Bradley Chamber of Com- merce in Cleveland, Tennessee.

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