by Nancy Neal

What to Do With the SINGLES

T

HE GREAT DEBATE continues: What do we do with singles in a married church?

We have pondered this ques- tion for decades, but discussions continue to offer no definitive answers. Churches have ignored the topic, attempt- ed ministries “to” and “for” single adults, and addressed us as an afterthought. No doubt, efforts are well-intentioned, but the fact remains: The married church doesn’t know what to do with its singles. And I bring no new revelation—just years of experience.

Consider these realities from the sin- gles in my life:

• A single mom recently observed that her role requires twice the sacrifices and twice the responsibility, but reaps twice the rewards.

• A never-married homeowner agrees that she too has twice the sacrifices and responsibilities of her married friends who have the option of sharing the financial load and the workload.

• A young divorced friend says her loneliest days are Sundays, when other young families no longer invite her and her two young sons to join them for an after-church meal and playdate.

other her and

• An older single-again

remembers those longtime friends who suddenly excluded her from social activities because they were uncomfortable that she no longer had a spouse to accompany her. • A widower fears desecrating a spouse’s memory (“I never took my wife there”), and a retired widow can no longer drive to church on Sunday.

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Statistics indicate that singles are the fastest-growing adult demographic in America. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, an unmarried person heads the majority of U.S. households,

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rson holds,

8 EVANGEL • JUNE 2010

and the National Association of Real- tors says most single women are hom- eowners. The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that singles make up 44 percent of the U.S. workforce. No doubt the composition of most churches reflects the growing numbers of singles. Still, the 21st-century church continues to scratch its head because it doesn’t know how best to incor- porate single adults into married church culture. What we see most often is an afterthought tagged onto an occasional sermon, creation of a Sunday school class for the “needy” unmarried sector, or peri- odic attempts at socials for singles ages 18 to 30.

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it required significant effort, I managed to

Please don’t mistake my observations for cynicism. I have functioned well in a church that emphasizes marriage and the fam- ily. I have found ample opportunities for service and ministry in congregations that largely ignore single adults after the post- college/young professionals age. Although it required significant effort, I managed to

e fam- nities for

find new avenues for fellowship when tra- ditional ones were eliminated. And I have for years survived interrogations about why I’m still single, assumptions that I didn’t want to be married, and presump- tions that I am embarrassed by my single status.

find new avenues for fellowship when tra-

didn t tions t status

How have I remained plugged in to the married church? Within my circle of “church” friends are married couples, engaged couples, widows/widowers, divorced moms and dads, and never- marrieds. These relationships provide balance and perspective—spiritual and emotional stability, a helping hand when needed, shared food and friend- ship and fun. Though I believe in the “power of one” to make a difference, Ecclesiastes 4 offers great wisdom: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up” (vv. 9-10 NIV). Rather than offer yet another treatise on how Scripture honors

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