by James E. Cossey

HE CHARMING YOUNG couple sat nervously across from me in my office. I was pastor of the largest church in our small com- munity, and they had family connections to our church. They had come to discuss a wedding. After sev- eral questions had been raised and hon- estly answered, it was obvious that these two were living together outside of mar- riage. I sensed that what I saw before me was more than passion; it was real love. Yet, their plans were not for an immediate wedding, but for one several months into the future, during which time the couple would continue to live together. After discussing the biblical principles of marriage, I told the couple that I would

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be unable to perform a church wedding for them unless they entered into premarital counseling, one of them moved out of the home, and there was a commitment to having no further sexual relationships until their wedding day. Kindly and respectfully, they explained that they didn’t think they could agree to that, and left. Moments later, there was a knock on my door. Standing there with tears streaming down her beautiful face, this young lady said, “Pastor, I didn’t want to hear you tell us ‘no,’ but I respect you for saying it because I know you are right.” Then she added, “My mother will not visit my home until, in her words, ‘you two make it legal.’”

She thanked me for my time, and they drove away.

I did not perform the ceremony. They used another church and engaged another minister. However, that couple later vis- ited where I was pastor, came to the altar

12 EVANGEL • JUNE 2010

and accepted Christ, were baptized in the Holy Spirit, and became members of the church. Today, they are in active ministry, are personal friends to my wife and me, and they have assured me that I am one of their all-time favorite pastors. The last time I spoke with them, the young wife and mother hugged me and said, “Bill (not his real name) and I consider our- selves to be a product of your ministry.” Some time ago, I drove past a quaint little church in a resort city. Out front was a sign reading, “Wedding Chapel. All faiths. All religions.” It immediately reminded me of an Internet site for a cer- tain minister which said he would gladly conduct “no questions asked” weddings . . . for a fee, of course!

a “marrying Sam” who will perform a ceremony for anybody who is willing to pay the fee. When word gets out in the community that anybody and everybody can be married in a given local church, the respect of that community toward the church is greatly diminished.

There is, of course, the argument that performing questionable marriages can be used as an evangelistic tool. Perhaps, say some, by going ahead and blessing the union with a preplanned church wedding, a relationship can develop that will win the couple or some of the wedding party to Christ and the church. I remember following a long-term pastor to a church and asking him what his wedding policy had been. He replied that, in an attempt

What Kind of MARRIAGE

Can the CHURCH Bless?

Some would argue that people are going to get married anyway, so rather than having them go to a justice of the peace or a judge, why not go ahead and marry them in the church? One minister said, “I may as well get $50 as to have them pay it to the judge.” That logic may suffice if one views marriage only as a civil contract. But scripturally, marriage is a divine institution, initiated by God himself (Genesis 2:21-25), and the church bears a responsibility for the preserva- tion and sanctity of this union. When one considers that 85 percent of those who live together before marriage end up divorcing, the church and the minister shoulder a tremendous burden for the counsel and direction of misguided young (and sometimes not so young) couples. The young woman whom I referenced earlier came back and conveyed to me her respect, and later became my church member and friend. Nobody respects

to evangelize them, he had performed weddings for couples living together and couples who were not members of the church. Then he said that if he had it to do over, he would be more restrictive, because “in 34 years, I never won a single one of them!”

In his words, “They used me, they used the church, and then were on their way.” I ask, Which would we rather have—the sense of having been used (even if it produces some pocket money for the preacher and a user fee for the church), or community respect because we uphold the sacredness of marriage? The official statement of the Church of God reads:

Marriage is ordained of God and is a spiritual union in which a man and a woman are joined by God to live together as one (Genesis 2:24; Mark 10:7). Because of the divine character of marriage, it is a lifelong commitment Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33