inspiration
FORGIVENESS
A Good Deed that Heals
by susie ruth
L
ittle Earl and his parents were hav- new way to think of
ing a terrible time. Diagnosed as the “wrongdoer.” International Forgiveness Day: August 2
hyperactive and defiant at school Robert Enright,
Global Forgiveness Day: August 27,
and at home, the 7-year-old couldn’t an education psy-
seem to control his anger. One tumultu- chologist at the Uni- Learn more at ForgivenessDay.org.
ous week, it got so bad he was hospital- versity of Wisconsin-
ized for the weekend. Madison, and known
as the father of
share research on the power of for-
forgiveness research, has observed that
giveness. This summer, he’s in Belfast,
“Forgiveness is a gift
those who practice forgiveness usu-
Northern Ireland, assessing the cumula-
you give yourself.”
ally maintain their emotional health.
tive effects of his ongoing curriculum
For people who are able to let go of
there introducing school children to the
~ Victor Parachin in “How to Forgive: 10
the hurt, he says, “Much of the giving
idea of forgiveness. “We simply lay the
comes back to us in a form a spiritual
Guidelines” at Sober.org/ForgVict.html
foundation that there’s such a thing as
person might call peace … in a dimin-
forgiveness,” he notes. His U.S. pilot
ishment of anxiety and depression and
city is Milwaukee, which CityRating.
an increase of hope and self-esteem.”
com reports has property crime rates
Six months later, Earl was much Enright established the Interna-
exceeding the national average and a
happier; he had found a new way to tional Forgiveness Institute in 1994 to
murder rate higher than Belfast’s.
deal with his feelings and was off the
“I think forgiveness absolutely
Ritalin and Prozac he’d been given for
has to be learned,” advises Enright.
hyperactivity. His parents’ relationship
with each other also had improved. He
“Forgiveness is more than
He emphasizes that forgiveness is not
weakness; it is not forgetting, excusing,
began to do better in school.
a moral imperative, more
condoning or reconciling oneself to a
The whole family had found a
“third way” to deal with their anger.
than a theological dictum.
wrong done. Neither does it preclude
justice.
Rather than denying or venting it, they
had learned how to forgive. It’s an
It is the only means,
“Our work in forgiveness educa-
tion is based on the conviction that
answer being explored more widely given our humanness and
forgiveness can reduce anger,” Enright
today. “Why is forgiveness so power-
ful a force?” asks Harry Aponte, in the
imperfections, to overcome
explains, “and that a decrease in anger
leads to less depression and anxiety
Journal of Family Therapy. “Because it hate and condemnation and
and to stronger academic achievement
is a direct product of love.”
Forgiveness, the antidote to tak-
proceed with the business
and more peaceful social behavior.”
ing offense, isn’t easy; self-sacrifice is of growing and loving.”
Robert Enright’s books include the
involved. But it carries a lighter price tag
seminal Forgiveness is a Choice and
than nursing a feud or holding a grudge.
~ Paul Coleman, psychologist in Wap-
his book for children, Rising Above the
Not forgiving gives another person
pingers Falls, New York
Storm Clouds: What It’s Like to Forgive.
power over us. Forgiveness sets us free
of imprisoning bitterness, anger, revenge
Primary source: The Christian Science
and resentment and allows us to find a
Monitor

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